My finger was poised above the ‘post’ button when I stopped and decided to sleep on it. I’d just written my latest blog – an appreciation of my wonderful husband, Pat, the Holy Cornishman – but wanted to look it over again in the morning. The topic had come about because I’ve been curious for a while – who ARE the partners in the shadows of all these lime-lit colleagues I know so well? As well as this, I’d been thinking it was high time I celebrated the fantastic man who shares my life.
Coincidentally, fellow coach Cathy Dean (the Colourful Coach) was tweeting about how supportive her husband was. And so, we cooked up a plan to write concurrent blogs honouring our partners. Cathy’s is here, but mine didn’t make it at the time… http://colourfulcoach.wordpress.com/2010/10/01/my-lovely-husband-an-appreciation/
Pat and I had been in Cornwall for a week at our cliff top caravan overlooking the atlantic. We were due to stay for another few days, however, nature intervened – the toothache I’d had for a couple of days showed no sign of waning. Time to get home to Devon and visit the dentist! Only today, two weeks later, have I emerged from a dark tunnel of pain and treatment – the likes of which I rarely suffer – and am blinking in the light, wondering what it’s like out here in the big world.
Reading back over my unposted blog, it seems to belong to another lifetime! Its amazing how an intense experience (like being ill) can bend your perception of time. However, it still merits being published, especially since Pat has been such a total star at looking after me while I’ve not been well. So here it is, updated and revived for today.
Thinking about this topic has slowed up my writing. It made me want to get my nose out of my work for a change and enjoy some time with my lovely husband! And so Pat and I had some great little trips out while we were based in Cornwall – enjoying the annual Boscastle Festival, the amazing countryside and more than one Cornish pasty!
He is right here with me every day – inside this intimate bubble I call ‘my life’ – sharing the same duvet, drinking tea from the same kettle, wiping his feet on the same door mat. Pat and I spend huge amounts of time together (living and working together 24/7 as we mostly do), however, sometimes I forget to appreciate what an incredible partnership we enjoy, let alone what a miracle of creation he is in his own right!
There’s a psychological phenomenon called habituation. What it describes is the tendency to stop noticing what is familiar to you. Usual, everyday things become part of our background wallpaper and are no longer so visible. This applies to our relationships too. And so, like all of us, its easy for me to let my attention drift to more demanding things and take my beloved husband for granted.
I’m also a bit astrologically challenged when it comes to intimate relationships. For those of you in the know, I have five major planets ( yes five!) in Aquarius. An Aquarian trait is to so busy out there ‘saving the world’ that you can seem cool and aloof to your nearest and dearest. I generally experience myself as a warm, loving person, but I can relate to this tendency to overlook those closest to me whilst my attention is out there on the far horizon.
But every now and then I remember what a stunning man I have in my life. You’d think I would never forget because it took me long enough to find him! This treasure of a relationship came at the end of a long and ardous journey in the quest to find the right partner. Our amazing ‘finding true love’ experience inspired a whole strand of work and it wasn’t long before I was running Get Ready for Love workshops to help other people attract their ideal mate.
The other night, I remembered. Pat and I had been at our Cornwall caravan for a few days. We were cuddled up watching a romantic TV programme with a bottle of wine and I suddenly found myself moved to the core. Okay, I admit it, I’m one of those people who gets soppy after a couple of glasses of wine. I go all soft and heart-melty and amorous – no wonder he’s so pleased when I share a bottle of wine with him!
That night, Pat made a throw away comment about one of the TV characters being just like him. Suddenly, I piped up with emphatic passion “But you are so much warmer – a firey Cornishman with attitude!” And as I spoke those words I was sucked away to a vantage point where I could stand back really SEE him afresh – his strength of character, his bright mind, his quirky humour – and all the reasons why I love him so much.
BANG! a massive rush of emotion brought me to tears and I delivered a long, gushing love speech to him. Pat is one of those amazing, demonstrative men who oten tells me how much he loves me and is liberal with his hugs and compliments. And although I feel the same about him, I am more remiss in my expressions of affection. It takes a slug of wine and a good TV romance to wake me out of my complacency!
As I burbled uncontrollably that night, I love everything about him – the way he looks, the way he talks and the way he carries himself – just everything! One of my favourites is that he’s a blokey bloke – energetic and charismatic – yet is completely at home with his feminine side. He has all the other guys at the bar roaring with laughter and at the same time he’s deeply intuitive and more than a little psychic (which can be a bit unnerving at times, but jolly useful on the whole!)
Pat’s 6th sense is quick and penetrating. For example he always spots a dubious motive powering along a fool-hardy decision. It means I don’t get away with fooling myself about anything and I can kick up about that (a foolish ego trip does not like to be found out!) but I’m always grateful in the end. He has got used to making waves with his irrepressible truth detector. He sometimes calls it a curse, but I think it’s an astounding gift.
On the practical level, there’s something astonishing about how compatible we are. We ALWAYS like the same things, be it furnishings, music, books, countries, houses, clothes, cars, animals, you name it. Many’s the time we’ve both wondered towards each other in a shop, excitedly carrying the same item to show the ther. And we share a Zen-minimalist-tidyness (just try coming round and dumping your coat somewhere other than the cloakroom!) which makes living in a small space like a caravan easy for us. There’s a real grace and ease between us – like a wordless, flowing, ballet dance.
But the compatibility doesn’t stop there. We MEET each other on every level – intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, physically – something I’ve never experienced in one partner package before. Sometimes I say to Pat that I’ve been in love with him my whole life. One of the keenest things I sensed when we met was that we’d been together in previous lives. It’s as though there’s always been a Pat shaped gap in my life until we found each other again in 2002. If you’ve not read it already, here’s a magazine article telling the story of how we met…
Meeting My Match – http://wp.me/ps0N4-9U
However, if I had to pick one thing about Pat that sums up why he is so fantastic to be with it would be this – his PRESENCE. What I mean is that he is switched on, awake, conscious, aware, paying attention. Never pre-occupied with other things (like me!) he is present in every moment – hearing what I say, sensing what I feel, observing what needs to happen next.
He is a man of body and soul as well as heart and mind , alive to his total experience all the time. When I talk to him he gives me his fullest, deepest, loving attention. When he touches me, he touches me with with his whole energetic being, not just his body. Believe me, I know how rare this is! The man is a phenomenon!
Of course we’ve had our intense run-ins over the years (we are quite a match in the adamant department too!), but what is fantastic about us is our mutual commitment to get to the bottom of what’s gone off kilter, what it is our conflict is trying to show us. We accept the principle of taking responsibility for ourself and not blaming the other, even if we can’t always practice it in the heat of the moment. Eventually we get there, even if it takes a day or two. I always say if there’s the ability and willingness to communicate, most relationship problems can be overcome.
A Course in Miracles http://www.amazon.co.uk/Course-Miracles-Foundation-Inner-Peace/dp/1883360269/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1287440966&sr=1-1 is a wonderful spiritual workbook that makes an emphatic point about relationships – our partner (or any other person we ever encounter, for that matter) is ALWAYS being a mirror, showing us something about US that we need to see and understand. It is pointless to blame the other person for making us happy or unhappy. We can only look to ourselves – to our own responses to how our partner is behaving – and learn from that. We should never seek to change another. Happiness can only come from within.
One of my favourite books about relationship is Stephen and Ondrea Levine’s Embracing the Beloved: Relationship as a Path of Awakening. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Embracing-Beloved-Relationship-Path-Awakening/dp/0717134334/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1287440842&sr=1-2 It’s a beautiful, poetic book that has inspired my desire for meaningful relationship with a life partner for many years.
And then there’s David Deida’s, Finding God Through Sex http://www.amazon.co.uk/Finding-God-Through-Sex-Awakening/dp/1591792738/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1287440649&sr=1-1#noop – a powerful, raw, yet sensitive treatment of what our physical love making is truly all about. Only when I met Pat did I begin to experience and practice what these authors write about so eloquently.
So, perhaps that’s a good note to wind up on. Hmm, but you might be curious to see the man himself? Well, you can. Here’s he is, talking on video in his Love of Spiritual Man series. In this clip he’s talking about what makes our relationship special. After all, he should know!
October 18, 2010 | Categories: A Course in Miracles, Awareness, Embracing the Beloved, Embracing the Beloved, Finding God Through Sex, Finding True Love, holistic, inspirational coaching, intuition, law of attraction, meditation, Meeting Your Love Match, metaphysics, Raw and Real, relationships, spiritual coaching, spiritual intelligence, true love | Tags: appreciation, course in miracles, embracing the beloved, expressing love, finding god through sex, intuition, love, making love, Meeting Your Love Match, metaphysics, relationships, spiritual intelligence | 3 Comments