Thrivecraft ™ inspirational training, mentoring and business alchemy for coaches and meditation teachers

Posts tagged “gut feelings

A Message of Freedom

Last week I was in London attending the book launch of Barefoot Doctor’s – The Message.  It was a fantastic event hosted by my dear colleagues Imago People TV – a brand new TV based marketing portal for transformational teachers, evolutionaries and heart-centered thought leaders.

Transformational Goddesses @RachelElnaugh @eros_and_psyche @k... on Twitpic

Jude Levy, Rachel Elnaugh and Katharine Dever (Imago founders)

www.imagopeople.tv

I loved it!  The theatre was full of sparkling, inspired, genuine friends and collaborators, gathered for this special occasion – the launch of Imago’s first book publication having recently signed Barefoot as Imago’s first ‘star’.

After his talk, Barefoot signed books and then we were transported to a Soho nightclub by a fleet of people-carriers where we had a trance-dance after party.  The cocktails were flowing and Barefoot and his DJ friend led a pumping set.  A brilliant way to end the night!

I began reading my copy of The Message this morning.  Having heard Barefoot speak just a few days ago, the pages are alive with his voice and presence.  I was taken right back to watching him on stage – yes with bare feet – talking from the heart without notes and SO eloquently.

And it’s juicy stuff – captivating and satisfying at such a deep level.  It reminded me of when I first heard Buddhism taught so excellently by the funky, fresh, bright young guys at the Glasgow Buddhist Centre in the 1980s.

At the tender age of 19, I was awestruck at the meaning and magic being revealed to me.  I was being given the ways and means to live a very blessed life – and although I no longer consider myself to be a Buddhist (prefering to be open to all forms of spiritual wisdom) – those early teachings have nourished me for decades.

And The Message – deeply infused with the Taoist wisdom that Barefoot draws from – describes the same universal principles of freedom, self-mastery and interconnectedness that is the essence of all untainted spiritual teaching.

Hot off the Press - @ImagoPeopleTV  's first book '... on Twitpic

This morning I am sitting in my conservatory back home in the beautiful Devon countryside, listening to the birds and the sound of our village church bells, watching the trees and shrubs bounce in the gentle wind.  It is so peaceful after the hurly-burly of London…

Even although I lived in London for 16 formative years, I rarely strayed beyond the ‘urban village’ created by the Buddhist community I belonged to.  And these days, I am very much a country bumpkin – an innocent – unused to the wiley ways of London living.

So when I realised that I’d got lost walking from my city hotel to the Barefoot event at Sadlers Wells Theatre, I had an attack of anxiety.  I was lost and alone in the backstreets of Shoreditch, the opposite direction to where I should have been going ( must have been a homing instinct as I used to live in the east end).

Asking directions at a film studio, I was advised to retrace my steps all the way to the main road and catch a cab.  It was going to take ages and I was already late!  Arghh!  Panic!  But the bigger, wiser part of me was cool.  “Don’t worry”, she said, “it’ll be okay.  Just put out a prayer.”

“Please I’d like a taxi to show up for me now”, I thought , and sure enough, a black cab immediately appeared from around the corner to drop someone off right in front of me.  I told the cabbie he was my angel and gave him a big tip.  We made it to the theatre in time.

It was the second ‘kind assistance from strangers’ experience of my London trip.  The first had come in the form of two incredibly sweet receptionists at the hotel who couldn’t do enough to help when I requested a change  to a quieter room.

I had considered just putting up with the roaring traffic, but then thought, “Well why not just ask?”  In the end my room was much nicer and twice the size of the first – and very quiet.  “Hmmm, it’s good practice to simply ask for better things”, I reflected.

The next experience of the kindliness of strangers came a few hours later at the book launch.  I pulled out my purse to pay for drinks and my payment cards were nowhere to be seen.  For a few moments, panic swept through me “They’ve been stolen!  How had that happened?  How was I going to pay for my hotel? What do I need to do to cancel them and stop them being used?”

But somehow, even in the swirl of panic, part of me was chilled, loving, peaceful.  Time slowed down.  Although the bar was busy, the bar tender was patient and smiled sympathetically.  A complete stranger standing next to me offered to pay my bill.  In a few moments, all was well when I discovered my cards had simply fallen out of my purse into my bag. Phew!  But how nice to have been held in my moment of anxiety by the care of others I didn’t even know.

However, the biggest ‘angelic intervention’ via strangers happened the following day when I was on my way to a client’s home for a day of coaching.  In the night, I had knocked a glass of water over my Blackberry (Instant manifestation there too.  In my half-sleep I thought, “Wouldn’t it be awful if I knocked my water on my Blackberry”, and it promptly happened!  Be careful what you think about Srimati!).  In the morning, my Blackberry wouldn’t work.

The dreadful realisation that I didn’t actually have my client’s full address or phone number written down anywhere soon overwhelmed me.  I was relying on my Blackberry for all that information!  Once again, complete panic!  And then, once again, the bigger part of me was reassuring, amused, loving, and enjoying the adventure of it all.  Something would work out.  “Just be open to having some help, as with the taxi”, my inner wisdom said.

I set off.  At least I knew the name and whereabouts of the apartment block.  Maybe there would only be a few flats to choose from and I’d find her.  But when I arrived at the address, I was gazing up at a huge tower block – with at least a hundred apartments!  How was I going to track her down?

I asked a few residents but no-one seemed to know my client.  I chatted with a friendly cleaner who was mopping the floor.  He was sorry but he didn’t know her either.  With me still feeling strangely peaceful despite the impasse, he melted into the moment with me and suddenly remembered that there was a concierge office for the estate just a short walk away.  Maybe they could help.

They did and I was on time for my client.  More importantly, with the backing of my calm, loving bigger self, I had navigated the problem without getting flustered and was still in great nick to conduct my coaching day.

To me these events are such a striking example of our ability to respond creatively even when something challenging is happening to us.  If we are aware enough of that bigger, calmer, wiser loving self (even when another part of us is panicking) there is always a positive choice to make – even if its just to be open to the help of strangers when we are feeling alone and vulnerable.

I read somewhere recently, “Nothing happens by accident.  It merely has a purpose that is not yet understood.”.  I like that.  I like the idea that whatever happens is for a purpose, even if it’s not what we want, and even if we are not consciously aware of it’s deeper purpose yet.

On reflection, I recognised that I had unconsciously created these circumstances during my London trip for a purpose.  The purpose was to graphically demonstrate to myself that I deserve help, support and the best of things; that I am not alone and don’t have to struggle the hard way and that if I am stuck, even random strangers will help me if I only ask.  That’s good stuff for an independent person like me to realise.

In this video, I am talking about the freedom of choice that comes from being able to tune in to our inner wisdom – our bigger, wiser self.  Being awake to this allows us to calm down, take our time, make the right decisions, be open to the positive options available to us.

Its just as Barefoot describes in The Message –

“Because as soon as you can see all aspects of the manifest world – this world of people and machines, this world of nature, this world of planets, stars and galaxies, this world of infinite space, and this world of you – as an expression of the ineffable background presence, as the Tao throwing shapes on the dance floor of the universe, you are no longer fooled or perturbed by appearances.”

“So that no matter how thrilling or scary your circumstances in any given moment, no matter how scintillating or distracting the current configuration of details, you remain centered, referenced to and identified with the prime cause informing it all and are thus able to maintain equilibrium and perspective at all times.  You are able to receive and process the endless incoming stream of information as an expression of absolute love, life and consciousness, as an expression of God or the Tao talking to you.”

So thank you Barefoot Doctor for inspiring me to write this blog this morning.  It was a pleasure to meet you and to participate in your beautiful transmission of The Message.


Find Your Inner Wisdom – Free Audio Give-away

If I have one mission in life it is to alert you to the immense wealth you already have at your diposal – your inner wisdom!

We all have the capacity to dip in to this pot of gold to find answers, solutions and direction at every step.  But some of you have yet to find out how to visit this inner world – or know what to do once you get there!

Actually, it’s very simple.  You can soon learn how to pause and tune in to your ‘inner wisdom frequency’.  And how to tell it apart from the fretful noise in your head which can lead you astray!

In recent years, I have created a guided audio experience (okay, yes, meditation if you like!) that shortcuts you to your inner wisdom.

I’ve discovered that even those of you who are ‘not the meditating type’ find it easy and enjoyable.  So give it a try!

And many of you seasoned meditators have reported how refreshing and useful it is to be guided straight to wise answers with this unique audio journey.

As a festive season give-away, I am making the MP3 download of my guided audio available to you absolutely free!

As an added bonus, you can also download the recording of my recent webinar on Inner Wisdom hosted by mother-entrepreneur magazine, Tunza Spirit.  www.tunzaspirit.com

In the webinar I describe how just 10 minutes of quiet time a day can prepare you to ‘hear’ your inner wisdom – and how to create this precious you-time in your day so that it becomes second nature.

To whet your inner wisdom appetite, check out this short video where I’m talking about inner wisdom, my guided meditation and forthcoming book.

The gold within you awaits!

Just click the link below for FREE access to the MP3 download of Answers: Finding Wisdom from Within.

Plus bonus access to my recent Tunza Spirit magazine webinar packed with tips and insights on finding and using Inner Widom.

https://srimati.sharefile.com/d/s8fb11b5427a41d48

Remember, this free give-away ends on the 7th January 2012.  Get your downloads now!

Seasons greetings everyone!

8TH JAN UPDATE – THIS OFFER HAS NOW EXPIRED.

However, you can still download the guided audio for £6.99.

Click here http://www.srimati.com/shop


Finding our Inner Wisdom – talking with Nick Williams

I made this video with Nick Williams a few years ago when we first met.  We are talking about inner wisdom and intuition – how to find it and how to trust it – and how it makes life so much easier!

Nick is a lovely guy and we found we had very resonant interests and approaches to spirituality, work and inner life.  He is author of several books including his signature work – Discover the Work You Were Born to Do and runs www.inspired-entrepreneur.com – a vibrant community of heart and soul centered entrepreneurs.

You can download Nick’s free guide to discovering the work you were born to do on his website and find out about all the activities and resources on offer.

Here is our video chat where Nick is asking me about inner wisdom and how I use it in my coaching work to shortcut to the real ‘gold’ within us.  (Note that Nick introduces me as Srimati, as I was named in those days!)


TV Dragon Rachel Elnaugh Mentors Srimati – The Inner Wisdom Coach

I’ve just returned from London where I was attending my friend Rachel Elnaugh’s live mentoring filming event – Business Magic.

As an award winning entrepreneur (for her multi-million first business, Red Letter Days); former Dragon from BBC TV Dragons’ Den; and author of Business Nightmares and forthcoming Business Magic, Rachel is a formidable business mentor.

From the autumn, however, Rachel is winding up her mentoring programme to make way for an exciting new project – see ‘message from Rachel’ on her website www.rachelelnaugh.com   Before she does this, she wanted to capture some business mentoring on film in order to create a DVD programme.

And so, at the atmospheric Magic Circle (and on the night of a full moon and lunar eclipse!) we all gathered to hear Rachel reveal her business magic live on stage.

Fantastic!  So inspiring!

Coming home, I remembered that I was fortunate to have some live mentoring from Rachel myself last year.  And that we filmed it!  And that I’ve not shared it with you yet!

So here it is – Rachel digging in to my inner story to help me define my name, brand and the title of a book I was writing.

 


Raw & Real in the Wild Field Episode 7: Trusting the Tides of Inspiration

Do you trust your own rhythms?  Do you allow yourself to do nothing and stare into space just because you feel like it?  If a rush of creative ideas wakes you up at night, do you get up and start scribbling or smother it down because ‘you must get your sleep’?  When all your energy has vanished, do you force yourself to get on with some work or allow yourself to rest?

Observing the ebb and flow of my creative energy here at the wild field has prompted me think about this.  When we first moved, it was easy to see why I wasn’t dreaming up any new workshops or enthusiastically promoting my latest inner wisdom product – I was knackered!  Then the weeks went on and I settled deeply into my inner world – wanting to do little more than meditate and write.

After a while, I started to get a bit concerned. What if all that creative juice has gone?   Should I try to drum something up?  But no matter how I looked at it, I just did not feel like it.  I know from hard experience that it’s counter-productive to exhaust myself trying to swim against the tide, but it’s not always easy to keep the faith.  None-the-less, this time I managed to wait and trust that the change would come naturally.

Then, a week or two ago, it happened – a huge uprush of creativity and inspiration came bursting through.  Ideas, excitement, enthusiasm and energy aplenty – fully formed and in such abundance – and my new workshop was conceived.  A couple of phone calls were made and the people and resources I wanted fell into place beautifully.  There was a quality of effortless co-operation with a power so much greater and wiser than myself.  My job was to be switched on enough to notice the turning tide, fit enough to get on the surf board and keep my balance, and from there-on-in simply have a wonderful ride!

And so I can announce to you with enormous enthusiasm and excitement that I’m taking my new workshop to Glasgow in Scotland next month.  Wake Up Your Wisdom – a day retreat for entrepreneurs and professionals ready to develop red-hot intuition and learn the secrets of mind-to-mind marketing.  My fabulous colleague, Rachel Elnaugh (former Dragon on  BBC TV’s Dragon’s Den), has agreed to give a presentation on her experience of using inner wisdom for business success.  I can’t wait to give my first ever workshop in my home city! More details here – www.srimati.com/events

To me, one of the greatest gifts of my self-determining lifestyle is the delicious opportunity to follow my natural rhythms more truly.  Sometimes its an emotional rhythm – feeling slow and sad or fast and excited; sometimes its intellectual – clear as a bell or dull as dish water.  Then there are physical rhythms prompted by hormonal changes or meal, exercise and sleep patterns.  And of course there’s the environment – the light, the dark, the sun the moon, the seasons, the weather, the surroundings…

Our bodies and psyches are fantastically engineered sensing machines.  Should you pay attention – simply pay attention! – you get all the bio/psychic feedback you need in a nano second and you will KNOW what’s right for you at every turn.  However, if you override this awareness by getting too busy and out of touch with yourself (or giving too much of your power and freedom away to an over-demanding person or job), you lose one of your most precious abilities – to regulate a happy, balanced lifestyle for yourself.  What’s more, regulating yourself like this is your primary responsibility in life.  No one else can do this for you or be blamed if you do not do it for yourself.

I’m quite impressed with Paul McKenna’s work with regard to this.  Paul McKenna www.paulmckenna.com is a British hypnotherapist who has written many excellent self-help books including I Can Make You Thin.  The core principle of this book is that to eat appropriately (and therefore lose excess weight) you simply need to tune into this self-regulating ability.  By slowing down and paying deep attention to what food your body really wants, you naturally find your optimum weight.  I used this method myself last year and effortlessly shed 20 lbs in so many weeks. (I seem to be in a ‘putting it back on’ phase at the moment – but that’s another story!).

However, there’s another whole dimension of rhythm in our lives – the ebb and flow of INSPIRATION – our spiritual rhythm.  When you are inspired you feel a creative energy rising up within you, giving you the ideas, direction and impetus to make something new happen.  It seems to bubble up from inside you even if its triggered by an external source like a stimulating talk or a sublime piece of music.  Sometimes it just seems to come from no-where.

The Buddha taught that inspiration can only be experienced when you have prepared yourself to receive it.  When you first start to meditate, it can take a while to draw all your disparate energies into some sort of coherence.  That’s what meditation does for you first of all – it helps you feel less scattered and more focussed and more whole and complete. This is the initial stage of INTEGRATION (bringing together).

Only then – when you have a sense of being in possession of your whole self – can inspiration start to come through into an adequate container.  This second stage, not surprisingly, is called INSPIRATION.  Having pulled yourself into some sort of shape, your natural creative energy has a place to arise and a vehicle through which to express itself.  It feels like you have a well-spring within you, constantly bubbling up from your deep inner source.

I explain these two aspects of meditation in this video – Meditation for Integration and Insight

 

As a coach, I’ve always preferred to work with inspiration rather than motivation.  As well as being a carrot rather than stick approach, it is a much more empowering and graceful way to work.  Helping people ignite their own natural joyful impetus is more independently sustainable for the client than trying to push them up a mountain they’d rather not climb.

Sometimes I think we’ve got it all wrong – that we think we have to ‘make’ ourselves do stuff because it’s ‘good for us’.  No, no!  Spend the time to develop the self-love and find the thing you really want to be doing because you were meant to be doing it!  Then its just a matter of lighting the touch-paper and standing back while an inspired new lifestyle takes off!

Inspiration is a massive force for the good.  When you are inspired you are in touch with who you truly are and feel moved by love and joy rather than fear and dread.  One of my favourite tips is the one that tells us how to know when you are making the right decision.  By asking yourself , ‘Am I making this choice from love or fear?’ you can discern whether you are doing things for the best (the best way is ALWAYS the one that is inspired by love rather than avoiding fear).  If you are making a choice based on love, you feel expanded and free.  If you are making the choice from fear, you feel contracted and strained.  You can feel that expansion or contraction in your body – often in your tummy area.  There’s a reason why we use the term ‘gut instinct’.

I go into the art of following the right inner promptings in this video – ‘Which Voice in Your Head Do You Trust?

 

 

So please do keep the faith, dear people – you do know what’s best for you.  Your only responsibility is to cultivate sensitivity to your rhythms and allow inspiration to flow.  Of course many of us have busy lives with many demands, but even within that, it’s possible to invest a little time developing awareness.  Meditation is a brilliant way to do this.  Just ten minutes a day – sitting quietly, feeling your breath move through your body – is a wonderful start.  For superb meditation guidance, try www.wildmind.org

 


Meeting My Match – my inspiring true love story

Totnes is full of single mothers and hardly any single men – my new friends in Devon were quite adamant.  “I hope you’re not expecting to find a partner down here!”  But I wasn’t moving to Totnes to find a partner, not yet anyway.

After 16 years living in a Buddhist community in London, it was time to move on, and my longing for a rural lifestyle could no longer be ignored.  But most importantly of all, my seven-year-old son, Jamie, deserved a more gentle upbringing than a city could afford.

Despite the good reasons, however, there was also an element of strange magnetism I couldn’t put my finger on.  In many ways I was leaving a great situation and jumping into the unknown,  but there was a compelling force drawing me on – and I had a daring, inexplicable knowledge that this was absolutely the right move.

So, one sunny September morning in 2001, I packed my little grey Peugot to bursting, strapped Jamie in the front beside me, and set off for our new life in the country.

At 37, I was a free agent for the first time pretty much since my teens.  I’d split amicably from Jamie’s dad two years ago.  It was the most civilised split I’ve ever heard of, but even so, the impact of separating the family was utterly devastating.

My escape came in the form of a smouldering Spanish guy from my 5 Rhythms dance class.  However it wasn’t long before I became emotionally trashed by this crazy sex fest of a so called relationship.  I was so fragile that I clung on for far too long.  Moving to Devon would make sure it was over for good.  For the first time in all those years, I was single, and I felt it.  I was F – R – E – E  !

My heart was soaring when we got out to stretch our legs at Stonehenge.  What an incredible monument to mark the half way point to Devon.  The sky was blue and the ancient stones seemed to be humming with affirmation that we were doing the right thing.  We weren’t in dirty, frantic, complicated London now.  Here was the gateway to a whole new magical realm.

Our first base was a caravan in a charming farm campsite not far from Totnes.  We were leaving behind a lovely, secure and affordable home in London.  It was part of a triangle of Victorian maisonettes with gardens backing on to each other so the kids were safe to roam around with each other.

I was glad that Jamie still had some of that now – access to an indoor swimming pool and an adventure playground and a few other families who were temporarily living at the campsite during the offseason just like us.

There was a lot to do – a home to find, school for Jamie, money to earn, new friends to make.  I was fully occupied and completely excited by the experience of making this beautiful place our home.

Originally a spa town, Totnes is known as the ‘alternative capital of the UK’ and has attracted all sorts of interesting people and progressive projects into it’s midst over the decades.  And driving through the stunning countryside brought me out in mild bliss every day – very different from the tension that inevitably comes with ‘cheeky driving’ through London traffic.

But by night I was lonely and reeling from all the changes.  Jamie was having a tough time too and was playing up appallingly.  He was understandably disturbed and angry about being ripped away from all he knew, and I was feeling the strain and guilt.  (What possessed me to think he’d settle at the fairy-like Steiner School after his formative years in inner city mainstream education?)

Sometimes the grief and disorientation were almost unbearable.  It would have been so comforting to have someone intimate to share all this with – a manly chest to snuggle into…

So, in night time lonely autopilot, I reached out half heartedly for a liaison.  Computer dating was a pleasant distraction, safe in the knowledge that everyone was at a reassuring cyber distance.  The few dates I met up with soon dissolved any cosy illusions of romance I’d entertained myself with.

There were also a few ‘real’ single men I ran into (despite what my friends had said, Totnes seemed to have plenty of them).  I spent a month with Martin no.1, and another with Martin no.2, and hung out with an attractive new friend while he was between girlfriends.  But none of it was right and nothing got off the ground.

I knew that this was because I still had some healing to do, and at last I decided to co-operate with the process.  I needed to do what usually has to be done when recovering from one relationship and preparing for another – to stay in the gap for as long as it takes and be with myself for a while.

I was overdue to complete some unfinished emotional business – to understand what had happened and why; to let go of hurts and fears; to re-asses who I am now; and establish what kind of relationship would be good for me next.

As a meditator I already had an invaluable tool at my disposal.  Meditation gives emotional space and opens up a bigger perspective that allows us to face challenges positively.   Along with regular chats with insightful friends and family, my meditation practise gave me the resources to navigate my way through the stormy emotional waters.

So did my practice of 5 Rhythms Dance.  At my weekly class, and in the privacy of my own home, this wonderful form of dance free expression accessed and gave full voice to the stories and emotions stuck in my body.  I danced and roared and stamped and cried (a lot!) and laughed and gave thanks and laid the ghosts to rest.  Over the weeks I became clearer, free-er and more peaceful.

In early February I attended a sweat lodge held by a lovely local shaman down by the River Dart.   In the dark, eerie beauty of a winter forest, we ceremonially heated huge stones in a roaring wooden pyre.  Once ready, the hot stones were brought into the lodge one by one and sprinkled with sage water.

We sat in a circle inside the lodge, naked and in total darkness, sweating and singing and praying.  It was like being inside a womb of pure spirit.  We spoke aloud one at a time, each prayer seeming to come from infinite consciousness and be sent out into the entire universe.  My prayer was spontaneous and ardent – “Please help me let go of the past and allow me the time and space I need before I get involved in another relationship.”

During one of my more contented evenings, and inspired by Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s book, ‘The Invitation’, I did some reflective writing.  In a deep, prayerful way, I wrote about what I longed for – the kind of loving partner that would be ideal for me.

It was almost sacreligious to be so damn honest about what would be utterly wonderful for me.  I’d never given myself permission to state these things before.  But once it was down on paper I found I was moved by the quality of person I was describing in those two dozen short paragraphs.  And somehow, having committed my vision to paper, this man began to take on a tangible existence.  It was spooky.  It was as though I had begun to create a reality, or at least, call a reality towards me.

Having read widely about metaphysical principles since then, I know that this is exactly what is occurring when we make things conscious and decide to move towards them.  As my old Buddhist teacher used to say, ‘It’s not so much that man wills, but that will man’s’.  In other words our will manifests into form not the other way around.  We become what we wish for.  We create our reality from our thoughts and feelings and expectations.

Now, in my work as a coach, writing about ideals is an exercise that my clients use with unremittingly powerful results.  But back then, I somewhat innocently placed my writings on my meditation shrine, and forgot about them.  Little did I know that I’d planted a seed that would invisibly grow into a garden of opportunity, or that I’d soon be looking upon the face of the man who would become my husband.

At first I didn’t realise I’d met him. As far as I was concerned, this ‘Pat’ guy was just a housemate of a childminder friend I’d gotten to know at Jamie’s school.

Ann and I used to hang out at each other’s houses while our boys played together.  So my first few meetings with Pat were incidental – brief interactions during a flurry of noisy, stampeding boys needing after school snacks.  I was in ‘mum mode’ and, anyway, I had a background distraction still rolling with one man or another I was half involved with.  I wasn’t paying attention where it was due.  It took me a further couple of months to wake up.  And what a wake up call it was.

Towards the end of April, my much loved, dear, wise, loving gran was dying in Scotland.  My sister was giving me bulletins every day, and I was waiting for news of her final passing.  Life was sharp.  My heart was so open.

Contrastingly, I was experiencing impossibly crossed wires with Martin no.2 and decided to finish it. The very night I broke it off he fell off his steep garden terrace and was hospitalised with a broken back.  I was shocked into further acute awakeness.

That same week (intuitively picking up on what was about to happen, I’m sure) I had my Spanish ex-lover from London on the phone asking for one last chance.  For the first and last time, I said ‘No’ properly.  It was after the sweat lodge prayer and I was crystal clear.  Now I was truly free from any involvment whatsoever.  I was free to pay attention where it was due.

On the Tuesday I arrived for a session of Holographic Repatterning with my friend Christina.  I had booked the session a week ago to help with my relationship with Jamie, but there was something else on the menu.

It soon emerged that the key theme I was ready to explore was meeting the right partner.  In the session, Christina revealled to me that I held the unconsious belief that ‘I could never meet a partner that could meet me on all levels’.  This was a core reason I had been compromising myself in other relationships.  She worked with me over 2 hours to shift this belief, and, three days later…

Pat was covering his childminder housemate’s shift for the day and we were looking after the boys together in the school yard.  (Actually, Ann had been trying to set us up for a while as Pat had already eyeballed me with great interest, but I hadn’t noticed).  It was the first chance Pat and I had to really talk.

I told him about Martin no.2 and the broken back.  Knowing a little about me he commented that it’s very difficult to have a relationship with someone who isn’t spiritual if you are yourself.  I liked him.  I liked the way he sat on a rock in the playground and looked like a cowboy from the wild west.

Although I didn’t know why, I agreed that I might meet him for a drink that night.  I was feeling incredibly sensitive and anti-social (and a pub is the last place I’d go at the best of times) but something led me into the Sea Trout Inn.

The Sea Trout was Pat’s regular drinking hole, just a stone’s throw from the cottage Christina had found for us to move into after our stay in the caravan.  I laid aside my puritanical Buddhist prejudices and was pleasantly surprised by the level of meaningful communication happening amongst the public bar locals.

Pat was typically animated and in full flood “You’ve gotta get outta yar head and intta yar heart” he was insisting.  He sounded like a cowboy too, or maybe one of those charismatic American preachers.

“A bit full on”  I thought to myself, but I was intrigued.  And then, suddenly, in the middle of all the passionate discussion, Pat and I gazed intently upon each other.  ‘I see you’, he said, slowly and knowingly.  ‘I see you too’, I replied with equal gravitas.

In that moment, we did indeed truly see one another.  It was like a lightening flash had struck and lit up the entire vast landscape of who we are.  The moment returned to darkness, but the flash revealed something forever.  In that moment I realised that I recognised Pat, that I knew him, and with that knowledge came the deepest trust and truest love.

We parted in the car park with us both feeling somewhat stunned.  “I lo…lo…lo…” Pat stammered.  He seemed to be saying something and stuffing it back into his mouth at the same time.  He looked as perplexed as I felt.  Was he trying to resist saying that he LOVES me?  Nah.  Surely not.

I went back to the cottage and received the news that my gran had just passed away.  Dear Gran.  Dear kind, loving, strong, simple, generous, understanding, fiesty, affectionate gran.  My spirit couldn’t help but elevate to commune with her and God and the afterlife and all of that other indecribable stuff that these words just don’t do justice to.  Her love and essence were filling the Devon skies and I just had to fly with her for a while.

As if in a dream, I found myself popping into the pub at Sunday lunchtime to find Pat.  It was completely unplanned.  All of a sudden I was there inviting him to take a walk on Dartmoor with me.

We talked about Gran and meditation.  Sitting by a rock pool, he told me he would have loved to study psychology if he’d ever been able to.  I told him that psychology had been my main subject at University.

Without thinking about it, I took his hand as we walked back to the car.  It was as though a greater force was acting through me.  I certainly didn’t have the where-with-all to acknowledge what was going on, or make any judgements with my head.  I was in the spontanieous and innocent world of my heart alright.

We shared our first kiss in the Sea Trout car park the next night.  I was preparing to go to Gran’s funeral later that week.  “Come… Back… To… Me…”  Pat said gently and plainly.  I’d already explained that I had a few romantic loose ends to tie up and couldn’t promise anything.  “Take whatever time you need”, he replied.

The day before I flew to Scotland, he appeared in the school playground at pick up time.  Pressing a rose quartz into my hand, he wished me well on my trip.  Keen interest and support, understanding and freedom.  This was a recipe for love.  I recognised these qualities from my ideal man list.

It took me another couple of weeks to fully absorb the significance of what was occurring, but in the aftermath of my gran’s funeral, it was a simple and inevitable fact that we would love each other and be together.  “Shall we love each other, then?” Pat had asked after an evening of endless, sublime kissing.  “Yes, let’s” I replied, but it didn’t really need an answer.

I’d never experienced anything like it.  There was no posturing or trying to impress each other and no attempts to hide our less favourable attributes – we were just relaxed and unselfconscious with each other from the very beginning.  And there was no question about whether or not we’d be together – no push-pull fear of rejection or of being overwhelmed, no insecurity whatsoever.

Likewise, there was no great destabilising intoxication – the feelings were immediate and profound, but our heads were clear and our feet were on the ground.  It was so straight forward – complete harmony, complete certainty – and left nothing to negotiate.

Sixteen months later, we were married.

As I was to discover, Pat had also prepared well for the arrival of what he called a ‘divine relationship’ in his life.

A long time meditator like me, Pat had worked through all the issues raised by previous relationships.  He particularly practised forgiveness (including himself) and was unusually clear, more so than me, of the sort of relationship backlog that we often carry into future relationships (and mess up by referring back to ghosts instead of the person with us now).

He had also used a specific manifestation meditation to call his vision of a relationship into being.  Popularised and taught by Dr Wayne Dyer in the 80s, this ancient practise brings together the power of the chakras, the voice, and creative visualisation.  We call it the Ah/Om meditation.

Most importantly of all, perhaps, Pat adopted an attitude that he referred to as ‘100% intention with 100% surrender’.  Although he was very clear about the partner he sought and would not compromise with less, he was also prepared for it not to happen and would be perfectly happy to stay alone should he not find his match.

This is the fine and paradoxical art of being open to one’s aspirations and creative possibilities while at the same time being fluid with our expectations.  Many people either don’t let themselves dream through fear of not suceeding or strangle their dreams by having too much at stake and therefore too desparate for them to come true.

Often we don’t let ourselves aspire by assuming we won’t succeed (‘Can’t have’), or corrupt our aspirations into egotistical ambitions by having too much self-worth at stake if they flounder (‘Must have’).

Either way, it betrays a lack of self-knowledge and self-belief.  When we see ourselves clearly and believe in ourselves, we don’t need to push things away or grab things towards us to shore up a hollow sense of ourselves.  We can allow things to be what they are, free from what we have invested in them.  In this freedom we can experience the natural flow of coming and going, and somewhat magically, all our true needs are satisfied (‘Having-ness’).

I didn’t believe that I could find someone who could meet me on all levels, so how could I HAVE that sort of relationship.  Pat certainly can meet me on all levels.

This relationship is easily the most satisfying and stimulating either of us has ever known on the domestic, physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual levels.  It is grounded and it is sacred.  We are plumming depths and scaling heights together that would have been hard to access alone.

Of course it is also intense and challenging.  We share so much.  As well as living together and joining our families, we co-created our first coaching practice, Thrivecraft.

One day last year, I came across the description of the ideal partner I wrote all that time ago.  As Pat and I re-read it together, I was filled with a strange, joyful realisation.  The man who those words described was now nuzzling my neck, sharing my life and my deepest aspirations.

It’s amazing what we can magnetise into our lives with clear intention and positivity.  Now I understand a little more about those compelling forces that brought me to Devon.


What makes me the Inner Wisdom Coach and why do I love working with conscious entrepreneurs?


Can I trust my intuition?


Mind Reactive and Mind Creative


Entrepreneur Coaches Find Inner Wisdom