Discover Your Inner Wisdom
5 Day Discovery Programme
Here is my new home study programme to discover and make great use of your own, reliable inner wisdom.
Equipped with this magical personal resource, you will be able to find answers to questions, solve problems and make decisions from the deeper, wiser part of yourself that knows best.
This easy, uplifting and powerful programme enables you to find, activate and consult with your own ever-ready, trustworthy inner wisdom.
Simply relax each day with a short guided meditation, video lesson and bonus resource to take you on your transformational journey (approx 30 minutes a day at your convenience).
Waking up your wisdom is a life changer!
The benefits to you
The Wake Up Your Wisdom discovery programme equips you to:
– Easily connect with your own powerful source of inner wisdom
– Relax into a simple, fast and effective meditation practice
– Answer questions, solve problems and make wise decisions
– Develop intuition and discover when to trust your hunches
– Feel calm, clear, positive and confident in everyday life
Huge thanks to the amazing team at Source TV who have supported me to launch this exciting new programme.
Wake Up Your Wisdom – 5 Day Discovery Programme
For more details
and to download the programme
Click – Wake Up Your Wisdom
Meeting My Match – My Inspiring True Love Story
Totnes is full of single mothers and hardly any single men – my new friends in Devon were quite adamant. “I hope you’re not expecting to find a partner down here!” But I wasn’t moving to Totnes to find a partner, not yet anyway.
After 16 years living in a Buddhist community in London, it was time to move on, and my longing for a rural lifestyle could no longer be ignored. But most importantly of all, my seven-year-old son, Jamie, deserved a more gentle upbringing than a city could afford.
Despite the good reasons, however, there was also an element of strange magnetism I couldn’t put my finger on. In many ways I was leaving a great situation and jumping into the unknown, but there was a compelling force drawing me on – and I had a daring, inexplicable knowledge that this was absolutely the right move.
So, one sunny September morning in 2001, I packed my little grey Peugot to bursting, strapped Jamie in the front beside me, and set off for our new life in the country.
At 37, I was a free agent for the first time pretty much since my teens. I’d split amicably from Jamie’s dad two years ago. It was the most civilised split I’ve ever heard of, but even so, the impact of separating the family was utterly devastating.
My escape came in the form of a smouldering Spanish guy from my 5 Rhythms dance class. However it wasn’t long before I became emotionally trashed by this crazy sex fest of a so called relationship. I was so fragile that I clung on for far too long. Moving to Devon would make sure it was over for good. For the first time in all those years, I was single, and I felt it. I was F – R – E – E !
My heart was soaring when we got out to stretch our legs at Stonehenge. What an incredible monument to mark the half way point to Devon. The sky was blue and the ancient stones seemed to be humming with affirmation that we were doing the right thing. We weren’t in dirty, frantic, complicated London now. Here was the gateway to a whole new magical realm.
Our first base was a caravan in a charming farm campsite not far from Totnes. We were leaving behind a lovely, secure and affordable home in London. It was part of a triangle of Victorian maisonettes with gardens backing on to each other so the kids were safe to roam around with each other.
I was glad that Jamie still had some of that now – access to an indoor swimming pool and an adventure playground and a few other families who were temporarily living at the campsite during the offseason just like us.
There was a lot to do – a home to find, school for Jamie, money to earn, new friends to make. I was fully occupied and completely excited by the experience of making this beautiful place our home.
Originally a spa town, Totnes is known as the ‘alternative capital of the UK’ and has attracted all sorts of interesting people and progressive projects into it’s midst over the decades. And driving through the stunning countryside brought me out in mild bliss every day – very different from the tension that inevitably comes with ‘cheeky driving’ through London traffic.
But by night I was lonely and reeling from all the changes. Jamie was having a tough time too and was unsettled at school. He was understandably disturbed and angry about being ripped away from all he knew, and I was feeling the strain and guilt. (What possessed me to think he’d settle at the fairy-like Steiner School after his formative years in inner city mainstream education?)
Sometimes the grief and disorientation were almost unbearable. It would have been so comforting to have someone intimate to share all this with – a manly chest to snuggle into…
So, in night time lonely autopilot, I reached out half heartedly for a liaison. Computer dating was a pleasant distraction, safe in the knowledge that everyone was at a reassuring cyber distance. The few dates I met up with soon dissolved any cosy illusions of romance I’d entertained myself with.
There were also a few ‘real’ single men I ran into (despite what my friends had said, Totnes seemed to have plenty of them). I spent a month with Martin no.1, and another with Martin no.2, and hung out with an attractive new friend while he was between girlfriends. But none of it was right and nothing got off the ground.
I knew that this was because I still had some healing to do, and at last I decided to co-operate with the process. I needed to do what usually has to be done when recovering from one relationship and preparing for another – to stay in the gap for as long as it takes and be with myself for a while.
I was overdue to complete some unfinished emotional business – to understand what had happened and why; to let go of hurts and fears; to re-asses who I am now; and establish what kind of relationship would be good for me next.
As a meditator I already had an invaluable tool at my disposal. Meditation gives emotional space and opens up a bigger perspective that allows us to face challenges positively. Along with regular chats with insightful friends and family, my meditation practise gave me the resources to navigate my way through the stormy emotional waters.
So did my practice of 5 Rhythms Dance. At my weekly class, and in the privacy of my own home, this wonderful form of dance free expression accessed and gave full voice to the stories and emotions stuck in my body. I danced and roared and stamped and cried (a lot!) and laughed and gave thanks and laid the ghosts to rest. Over the weeks I became clearer, free-er and more peaceful.
In early February I attended a sweat lodge held by a lovely local shaman down by the River Dart. In the dark, eerie beauty of a winter forest, we ceremonially heated huge stones in a roaring wooden pyre. Once ready, the hot stones were brought into the lodge one by one and sprinkled with sage water.
We sat in a circle inside the lodge, naked and in total darkness, sweating and singing and praying. It was like being inside a womb of pure spirit. We spoke aloud one at a time, each prayer seeming to come from infinite consciousness and be sent out into the entire universe. My prayer was spontaneous and ardent – “Please help me let go of the past and allow me the time and space I need before I get involved in another relationship.”
During one of my more contented evenings, and inspired by Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s book, ‘The Invitation’, I did some reflective writing. In a deep, prayerful way, I wrote about what I longed for – the kind of loving partner that would be ideal for me.
It was almost sacreligious to be so damn honest about what would be utterly wonderful for me. I’d never given myself permission to state these things before. But once it was down on paper I found I was moved by the quality of person I was describing in those two dozen short paragraphs. And somehow, having committed my vision to paper, this man began to take on a tangible existence. It was spooky. It was as though I had begun to create a reality, or at least, call a reality towards me.
Having read widely about metaphysical principles since then, I know that this is exactly what is occurring when we make things conscious and decide to move towards them. As my old Buddhist teacher used to say, ‘It’s not so much that man wills, but that will man’s’. In other words our will manifests into form not the other way around. We become what we wish for. We create our reality from our thoughts and feelings and expectations.
Now, in my work as a coach, writing about ideals is an exercise that my clients use with unremmittingly powerful results. But back then, I somewhat innocently placed my writings on my meditation shrine, and forgot about them. Little did I know that I’d planted a seed that would invisibly grow into a garden of opportunity, or that I’d soon be looking upon the face of the man who would become my husband.
At first I didn’t realise I’d met him. As far as I was concerned, this ‘Pat’ guy was just a housemate of a childminder friend I’d gotten to know at Jamie’s school.
Ann and I used to hang out at each other’s houses while our boys played together. So my first few meetings with Pat were incidental – brief interactions during a flurry of noisy, stampeding boys needing after school snacks. I was in ‘mum mode’ and, anyway, I had a background distraction still rolling with one man or another I was half involved with. I wasn’t paying attention where it was due. It took me a further couple of months to wake up. And what a wake up call it was.
Towards the end of April, my much loved, dear, wise, loving gran was painfully dying in Scotland. My sister was giving me bulletins every day, and I was waiting for news of her final passing. Life was sharp. My heart was so open.
Contrastingly, I was experiencing impossibly crossed wires with Martin no.2 and decided to finish it. The very night I broke it off he fell off his steep garden terrace and was hospitalised with a broken back. I was shocked into further acute awakeness.
That same week (intuitively picking up on what was about to happen, I’m sure) I had my Spanish ex-lover from London on the phone asking for one last chance. For the first and last time, I said ‘No’ properly. It was after the sweat lodge prayer and I was crystal clear. Now I was truly free from any involvment whatsoever. I was free to pay attention where it was due.
On the Tuesday I arrived for a session of Holographic Repatterning with my friend Christina. I had booked the session a week ago to help with my relationship with Jamie, but there was something else on the menu.
It soon emerged that the key theme I was ready to explore was meeting the right partner. In the session, Christina revealled to me that I held the unconsious belief that ‘I could never meet a partner that could meet me on all levels’. This was a core reason I had been compromising myself in other relationships. She worked with me over 2 hours to shift this belief, and, three days later…
Pat was covering his childminder housemate’s shift for the day and we were looking after the boys together in the school yard. (Actually, Ann had been trying to set us up for a while as Pat had already eyeballed me with great interest, but I hadn’t noticed). It was the first chance Pat and I had to really talk.
I told him about Martin no.2 and the broken back. Knowing a little about me he commented that it’s very difficult to have a relationship with someone who isn’t spiritual if you are yourself. I liked him. I liked the way he sat on a rock in the playground and looked like a cowboy from the wild west.
Although I didn’t know why, I agreed that I might meet him for a drink that night. I was feeling incredibly sensitive and anti-social (and a pub is the last place I’d go at the best of times) but something led me into the Sea Trout Inn.
The Sea Trout was Pat’s regular drinking hole, just a stone’s throw from the cottage Christina had found for us to move into after our stay in the caravan. I laid aside my puritanical Buddhist prejudices and was pleasantly surprised by the level of meaningful communication happening amongst the public bar locals.
Pat was typically animated and in full flood “You’ve gotta get outta yar head and intta yar heart” he was insisting. He sounded like a cowboy too, or maybe one of those charismatic American preachers.
“A bit full on” I thought to myself, but I was intrigued. And then, suddenly, in the middle of all the passionate discussion, Pat and I gazed intently upon each other. ‘I see you’, he said, slowly and knowingly. ‘I see you too’, I replied with equal gravitas.
In that moment, we did indeed truly see one another. It was like a lightening flash had struck and lit up the entire vast landscape of who we are. The moment returned to darkness, but the flash revealed something forever. In that moment I realised that I recognised Pat, that I knew him, and with that knowledge came the deepest trust and truest love.
We parted in the car park with us both feeling somewhat stunned. “I lo…lo…lo…” Pat stammered. He seemed to be saying something and stuffing it back into his mouth at the same time. He looked as perplexed as I felt. Was he trying to resist saying that he LOVES me? Nah. Surely not.
I went back to the cottage and received the news that my gran had just passed away. Dear Gran. Dear kind, loving, strong, simple, generous, understanding, fiesty, affectionate gran. My spirit couldn’t help but elevate to commune with her and God and the afterlife and all of that other indecribable stuff that these words just don’t do justice to. Her love and essence were filling the Devon skies and I just had to fly with her for a while.
As if in a dream, I found myself popping into the pub at Sunday lunchtime to find Pat. It was completely unplanned. All of a sudden I was there inviting him to take a walk on Dartmoor with me.
We talked about Gran and meditation. Sitting by a rock pool, he told me he would have loved to study psychology if he’d ever been able to. I told him that psychology had been my main subject at University.
Without thinking about it, I took his hand as we walked back to the car. It was as though a greater force was acting through me. I certainly didn’t have the where-with-all to acknowledge what was going on, or make any judgements with my head. I was in the spontanieous and innocent world of my heart alright.
We shared our first kiss in the Sea Trout car park the next night. I was preparing to go to Gran’s funeral later that week. “Come… Back… To… Me…” Pat said gently and plainly. I’d already explained that I had a few romantic loose ends to tie up and couldn’t promise anything. “Take whatever time you need”, he replied.
The day before I flew to Scotland, he appeared in the school playground at pick up time. Pressing a rose quartz into my hand, he wished me well on my trip. Keen interest and support, understanding and freedom. This was a recipe for love. I recognised these qualities from my ideal man list.
It took me another couple of weeks to fully absorb the significance of what was occurring, but in the aftermath of my gran’s funeral, it was a simple and inevitable fact that we would love each other and be together. “Shall we love each other, then?” Pat had asked after an evening of endless, sublime kissing. “Yes, let’s” I replied, but it didn’t really need an answer.
I’d never experienced anything like it. There was no posturing or trying to impress each other and no attempts to hide our less favourable attributes – we were just relaxed and unselfconscious with each other from the very beginning. And there was no question about whether or not we’d be together – no push-pull fear of rejection or of being overwhelmed, no insecurity whatsoever.
Likewise, there was no great destabilising intoxication – the feelings were immediate and profound, but our heads were clear and our feet were on the ground. It was so straight forward – complete harmony, complete certainty – and left nothing to negotiate.
Sixteen months later, we were married, at a beautiful ceremony on the banks of the river Dart.
As I was to discover, Pat had also prepared well for the arrival of what he called a ‘divine relationship’ in his life.
A long time meditator like me, Pat had worked through all the issues raised by previous relationships. He particularly practised forgiveness (including himself) and was unusually clear, more so than me, of the sort of relationship backlog that we often carry into future relationships (and mess up by referring back to ghosts instead of the person with us now).
He had also used a specific manifestation meditation to call his vision of a relationship into being. Popularised and taught by Dr Wayne Dyer in the 90 s, this ancient practice brings together the power of the chakras, the voice, and creative visualisation. We call it the Ah/Om meditation.
Click Ah/Om meditation videos for full instruction and guidance on this manifestation meditation practice (filmed at one of my workshops).
Most importantly of all, perhaps, Pat adopted an attitude that he referred to as ‘100% intention with 100% surrender’. Although he was very clear about the partner he sought and would not compromise with less, he was also prepared for it not to happen and would be perfectly happy to stay alone should he not find his match.
This is the fine and paradoxical art of being open to one’s aspirations and creative possibilities while at the same time being fluid with our expectations. Many people either don’t let themselves dream through fear of not suceeding or strangle their dreams by having too much at stake and therefore too desparate for them to come true.
Often we don’t let ourselves aspire by assuming we won’t succeed (‘Can’t have’), or corrupt our aspirations into egotistical ambitions by having too much self-worth at stake if they flounder (‘Must have’).
Either way, it betrays a lack of self-knowledge and self-belief. When we see ourselves clearly and believe in ourselves, we don’t need to push things away or grab things towards us to shore up a hollow sense of ourselves. We can allow things to be what they are, free from what we have invested in them. In this freedom we can experience the natural flow of coming and going, and somewhat magically, all our true needs are satisfied (‘Having-ness’).
I didn’t believe that I could find someone who could meet me on all levels, so how could I HAVE that sort of relationship. Pat certainly can meet me on all levels.
This relationship is easily the most satisfying and stimulating either of us has ever known on the domestic, physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual levels. It is grounded and it is sacred. We are plumming depths and scaling heights together that would have been hard to access alone.
Of course it is also intense and challenging. We share so much. As well as living together and joining our families, we co-created our first coaching practice, Thrivecraft.
One day last year, I came across the description of the ideal partner I wrote all that time ago. As Pat and I re-read it together, I was filled with a strange, joyful realisation. The man who those words described was now nuzzling my neck, sharing my life and my deepest aspirations.
It’s amazing what we can magnetise into our lives with clear intention and positivity. Now I understand a little more about those compelling forces that brought me to Devon.
Wake Up Your Wisdom – easy online course
5 Day Discovery Programme
I am delighted to announce the launch of my brand new home study programme to discover and make great use of your own, reliable inner wisdom.
Equipped with this magical personal resource, you will be able to find answers to questions, solve problems and make decisions from the deeper, wiser part of yourself that knows best.
This easy, uplifting and powerful programme enables you to find, activate and consult with your own ever-ready, trustworthy inner wisdom.
Simply relax each day with a short guided meditation, video lesson and bonus resource to take you on your transformational journey (approx 30 minutes a day at your convenience).
Waking up your wisdom is a life changer!
The benefits to you
The Wake Up Your Wisdom discovery programme equips you to:
– Easily connect with your own powerful source of inner wisdom
– Relax into a simple, fast and effective meditation practice
– Answer questions, solve problems and make wise decisions
– Develop intuition and discover when to trust your hunches
– Feel calm, clear, positive and confident in everyday life
Huge thanks to the amazing team at Source TV who have supported me to launch this exciting new programme.
Wake Up Your Wisdom – 5 Day Discovery Programme
For more details
and to download the programme
Click – Wake Up Your Wisdom
Set Your Life Free – workshop coming soon!
Set Your Life Free 2014
Thrivecraft Life Coaching Workshop
With Maggie Kay
Totnes, Devon, UK
Sat 18 / Sun 19 October
An inspiring, powerful and warm-hearted workshop
to refresh your life and set it in a new direction.
REVIEW your current life situations and relationships
CONNECT with your true purpose and ideal life
MELT AWAY doubts and obstacles
CREATE a do-able onward plan
ACTIVATE your magic
A complete Life Coaching programme in weekend format.
As well as standard Life Coaching processes, this uplifting and inspiring weekend will be laced with powerful teachings and meditations that bring magic into your everyday life.
With a mixture of interactive practical exercises, talks and guided contemplation, there will be opportunities to ask questions and give your comments along the way.
And there will be plenty of time to connect with other participants – typically a high quality group of open minded, friendly people.
At the Totnes Natural Health Centre
Near the Royal Seven Stars Hotel
Near Totnes, Devon, UK
For more info and to book, click orange button below:
Spirituality in Business with Nick Williams
In the course of researching my existing material for my forthcoming book, I came across some interesting video chats with the very lovely and fascinating, Nick Williams. So, I thought I would share some…
Nick is a much loved author (his first book is called The Work We Are Born to Do), Coach and broadcaster, sharing fantastic inspiration, particularly to entrepreneurs and within the business sector.
Nick’s website – inspired-entrepreneur.com
I was amazed to realise that we filmed these videos almost five years ago – just at the beginning of my adventure connecting with some great people via social media and making films of our chats.
In fact, it was Nick who told me about the nifty Flip camera which I subsequently got for myself and have filmed dozens of films on since. (Note, we hadn’t quite mastered the sound at this stage, so it is not the best sound quality).
In this pair of videos, I am asking Nick how he integrates his spiritual life into his practical, business life.
Love Your Inner Demons
Who’s in charge here?
I woke up the other morning dreaming that a busy, uncommunicative parking attendant gave me a £416 fine (very specifically, £416!). In protest, I went marching through endless council offices, speaking to person after person, explaining that there had been a mistake – I’d only been there for a moment and was away buying my ticket and hadn’t done anything wrong! But no-one was listening. They just kept repeating their silly rules and insisting that I’d better pay £416 or they’d double the fine. It was so unfair and so frustrating!
Now, its said that all the characters in your dreams represent an aspect of yourself. Hmmn – so I have an inner officious, busy, uncommunicative, petty minded beauracrat, do I?… Oh yes! I recognise her well!
Years ago, when I was part of a Buddhist right livelihood team running an ethical gift shop (a job I loved, but that’s another story) I found my inner officious, busy, uncommunicative, petty minded beauracrat alright. I called her Helga. She was a big, loud, tank-like, German bossy boots who liked everything exactly her own way and for no one to get in it. (Excuse the national type-casting. I do actually relish characteristically German directness and two of my very best friends are German.)
Helga would march around her territory – the throws and cushion department – making sure not a fold was out of place. God forbid someone would talk to her, or worse still, ask her to do something else whilst her mind was on the task! Nowadays, Helga is only usually in evidence at Christmas time when I’m cooking for my guests . “Can I help with ….” “NO!” Helga barks before my poor sister-in-law can finish her sentence. “I’m better on my own!”
Bless her, my mum is similarly self-determining. Her kitchen is her domain and its best to stay clear whilst she’s busy preparing a meal. Like my mum, I love to express my love by providing meals for friends and family and want the kitchen to be all mine as I’m doing so. Also like my mum, I generally think I know best and want to do things MY way, even if it means exhausting myself because I’m incapable of delegating. You can see how this connects with ‘over-giving’ and it not occurring to me to say no, traits I also share with my remarkably generous and extremely dynamic mother.
Love Your Inner Parking Attendant
So the moral of this tale is that it pays to love your inner parking attendant, or any other het-up inner character who pipes up and misbehaves when you are under duress. Making friends with them (or even giving them a pet name like Helga) is the best way to make sure that you remain in overall command of how you behave, not them. If these guys remain unrecognised and un-named they have a habit of taking over automatically and wreaking havoc with your life.
The tricky time is when you are not even aware that we have a Helga or whoever in operation. Some unconscious part of you has been activated by a situation and off it goes pontificating or whining or bashing other people and your bigger self is powerless to do anything about it. It’s like you are possessed. Eventually, rant over, you come around to yourself again and wonder what happened. But by then it’s too late…
However, spotting your particular tendency to flip out (and the situations that trigger them) is really helpful. Even better, giving this aspect of your personality a pet name allows you to have a humourous, affectionate relationship with it. You can then give this protesting character some recognition, validation and attention without letting it take over inappropriately. It’s exactly like handling a naughty child.
And so I’ve also come to understand the good that Helga stands for. She has very high standards and is prepared to work hard to achieve excellence. Actually, she is quite talented and makes an exceptionally good job of things. She is proactive and strong and determined. (Part of my previous Buddhist name, Srimati, reflects this positive aspect. Mati can mean determination or strong mindedness).
The down side of Helga is that she is superior and up herself. She doesn’t rate anyone else or trust that they can do anything useful to help. Superiority is, in fact, a state of defensive fear – you compare yourself with others and set yourself apart in a misguided attempt to protect yourself. You don’t like what you think you see in someone else (some form of weakness or vulnerability) and don’t want to have anything to do with it because you can’t admit to your own weaknesses. However, in cutting yourself off from others (and any experience of vulnerability) you also sever your connection with your true nature which is total and absolute BLISS.
To allow yourself to be connected and intimate with others means allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable. It means admitting that you suffer sometimes, that you are fallible, mortal and fragile. It means being HONEST about your human experience and condition – that failure, loss, and pain are an intrinsic part of being alive.
Oh , Jeez, if we could only just surrender to our true feelings and honour the fragility and impermanence of all things, then we would experience incredible tenderness and joy – that we are utterly linked with one another, that there is indescribable, breath-taking beauty in every moment, that we can totally let go and float on an infinite sea of divine care.
Relaxing into the Fragile Mess
In the modern, developed world we live in a culture where fragility, unpleasantness, suffering, illness, pain and death are kept as far out of consciousness as possible. We create great armies of thought-police and institutions and industries to uphold our collective denial. We work and spend ourselves senseless and never pause long enough to breathe properly, never mind smell the coffee! And then when we get to the top of our ambition mountain – the successful husband and kids, the million dollars in our bank account, the huge house overlooking the sea – we wonder why life feels hollow, that we are not truly happy.
Have you ever wondered why ordinary people in poor parts of the undeveloped world seem so happy? Have you noticed the sparkle in their eyes, the bright colours that they wear, the connection they have with one another despite being surrounded by abject suffering? Well, I don’t know for sure, but it’s my guess that these simple people are living in a way which actually allows them to stay in touch with their true humanity in a way that eludes us in the developed world. And I wonder if the key to that humanity is to allow our natural experience of vulnerability and suffering to be a full part of our experience without fear.
Poor old Helga! What a lot she’s missing out on. If she could only realise that it’s okay to get it ‘wrong’, that the world won’t fall apart if a cushion is out of place or a Christmas dinner is late. If only she could relax and laugh and enjoy the great, chaotic play of people and events around her, muddling along, making mistakes, supporting each other, getting there somehow. She might notice that her shoulders are aching or that she’s really hungry, but there would be something so sweet about admitting that she, too, is a delicate human being. She would feel at home in this great fragile mess of perfect imperfection and finally realise that the point of life is not to strive to keep it all in order, but to let go and enjoy it just as it is.
What Helps When You are Feeling Down?
Having just navigated my way through a few days of (rare for me) ‘down time’, its got me thinking…
What really helps when you are feeling down?
Well, the starting point is simply this:
1. Accept how you are feeling.
The energy we put into resisting our feelings when difficult emotions are bubbling under the surface is incredible. Instead, we keep ourselves zombie-like – plodding along in a low-grade half-life – not happy, but not engaging with what’s going on either.
Our habit of blaming ourselves can mean that we’d rather remain in a state of brittle denial. We can’t admit to ourselves that we feel this way as we would judge ourselves for being so. It is better to pretend that we are okay.
But if we can just surrender for a few moments – really allow ourselves to feel how we feel – yes we feel the pain more fully, but we also begin to let in a little love and tenderness. Much like we would if we were giving attention to a friend who was having a hard time.
Rather than being lost in this no-man/woman’s-land, it is better if we can NAME what we are feeling. Naming it means that we are no longer subsumed by it. Part of us is now standing outside and looking in, and we can feel some compassion for ourselves.
And having accepted how we are, we have the option of turning towards something more positive.
2. Take ONE tiny step.
When we are feeling down, everything can feel overwhelming. We don’t WANT to do anything to help ourselves. It’s all too much.
So my suggestion is this – choose ONE thing from the list below. Just one. One thing that appeals a little bit…
* have a bath
* go for a walk
* make a fresh juice or a wholesome soup
* listen to a guided meditation
* get closer to nature / go outside
* confide in a good friend
* clean and tidy up
* read something inspiring
* count your blessings
* have a nap
* hang out with positive people
* enjoy some exercise
* listen to uplifting music
* pray to receive support
* do something to help someone else
* channel inner guidance
* reflect on your good qualities
* make love or have a cuddle
* look for beauty in everything
* find the hidden gem/lesson /meaning in your issue
3. Take another step
What you will probably find is that once you’ve taken one step, you feel inclined to take another. And some positive momentum builds from there.
For example, this morning, still feeling a wee bit under par, I decided to do one thing nice thing for myself – have a bath.
That prompted me to read some inspiring words from a book while the bath was running. After my bath I did a little light housework and made a fresh juice for breakfast.
It is a bright day and I could hear the church bells ringing, so I went for a walk, pausing at the church door to listen to the congregation singing a hymn.
On the way home I popped in at our caravan in a nearby field and told it out loud how wonderful it is and how much I love it.
During my walk, all these ‘how to lift yourself up’ ideas came to me, culminating in the inspiration to write this blog. My hope is it might support you too if you are feeling less than wonderful today.
4. Find the hidden gem
There’s always a nugget of gold buried in our difficult emotions. Our feelings are trying to tell us something, bring our attention to something that will open understanding and meaning to a situation or experience.
I reckon the hidden gem in my ‘down time’ these last few days has been a) the need to rest and restore at the end of a very busy, productive year b) the opportunity to release some grief from the past (see below) and c) the prompt to write this blog and share something that might be supportive to others going through a bit of ‘down-time’.
This is my Facebook post about my hidden gems:-
“Emerging out of 5 day inner journey. Started with feeling of ‘flatness’, low energy, tinge of unhappiness, lack of customary inspiration/creativity, desire for more sleep, not wanting to do anything or communicate much…
Felt curious – was this just me being tired at the end of many months of huge activity and productivity? A bit weary after 10 days of tending to son Jamie being acutely unwell? Raw after an emotional sort-out with my husband Pat (the resolution of which was postponed around Jamie’s illness). Was astrology / weather getting me down?
Counted my blessings that there wasn’t much in the diary and I could potter on with undemanding filing and accounts. Then yesterday, it dawned on me – memories of Decembers caring for ill, dying and bereaved loved ones in years gone past, and not being too well myself.
So it seems I was just releasing a bit of seasonal grief and heartbreak, perhaps triggered by Jamie being ill again. Felt better as soon as I realised this. Better to feel the raw grief rather than the depressive blanket of nothing that holds it out of awareness.
Reminded that its healthy to feel these things, lovingly acknowledge buried feelings, that we only feel these things when we are ready to, that I must be experiencing a deeper healing around these issues than ever before.
Thinking of going along the Movement Medicine dance class this evening – a beautiful way to honour, heal and release any anguish still stored in the body. That and I think I’ll put up the Christmas tree now – to remind myself of all the many, many loving, celebratory, happy memories that Decembers have given me too…”
5. Love is the answer
Giving a little attention where it is due is a profoundly loving act. That’s all we are doing when we honestly accept how we are feeling – truly loving ourselves just the way we are.
It gives us the momentum to take a positive step, and maybe even another, and another…
And opens up the possibility of gaining some wisdom and insight from our experience, some meaning, some letting go.
And so I’ll leave you with this song sung by Aloe Blacc, Love is the Answer.
This was shared by my Facebook friend today, the very lovely Mark Bajerski. (Check out his wonderful biography, Diary of an Accidental Psychic.)
Love is the answer, that’s for sure, and we need only begin with one tiny step to let it back in to our life.
True Self Meditation
Connect with the ‘real you’ and find new inspiration with this delightful guided meditation from me, Maggie Kay.
Hot off the press from our latest Thrivecraft workshop, my True Self meditation has never been made public until now.
I just couldn’t resist sharing it with you!
So be my guest and treat your soul to 20 minutes of satisfaction and sparkle…