In this brand new video, I explain why relaxing into your natural rhythm fosters inspiration and allows you to create and make things happen joyfully and with ease…
What’s new for you this year? Are you feeling the call to get together?
I definitely am and have been feeling increasingly inspired to host new events, groups and workshops this year – visiting themes that are hot for us all right now. There was such an enthusiastic response to our sell out UNITY 2012 event on 12.12.12. and our tribe continues to grow and want more!
This week our new ENDEAVOUR support group gets underway. This is a gathering of close kindred spirits (five men and five women) – each of us impressive individuals already following our calling, but keen to experience the power of the collective and take a leap together.
We are all mature body/mind/spirit professionals and artists, most of us parents, who know what it is like to carry responsibility and forge ahead. We are leaders and ‘givers’ and it is easy for us to sideline our own need for support and input. So it is great that we have decided to come together in a nourishing and stimulating peer group. Quantum leaps happen when we get together like this!
Thanks to Kimberely Jones http://www.kimberleyjones.com for contributing the above image. Artwork by Jennifer Cairns, Daybreak Design, info@daybreak.ca
Another new support group will get underway in Totnes, Devon in the coming weeks. THRIVECRAFT WEEKLY will be a Friday morning drop-in session. We will explore themes such as visioning, manifesting, channeling wisdom, using intuition and creating abundance and discover how these can be utilised in our life, love and business.
Each week I will be presenting the theme and guiding meditation, exercises and discussion. Our groups always attract a fantastic caliber of conscious, open-hearted people who contribute a lot to each other. Many friendships and connections are made. We will break for tea and there will be the opportunity to go for lunch together afterwards.
I will also be running a series of one day workshops this year. Requests are coming in for workshops on manifesting dreams and projects, boosting money and prosperity, business and marketing support and for developing intuition and channeling wisdom. Let me know if you have any more ideas and I’ll be happy to consider them.
For those of you further afield, I am currently writing some new material for online courses, webinars, e-books, audios and videos (as well as converting my existing courses into online formats). As a true Aquarian, I really feel my connection with you all worldwide and love to connect with you on the internet. Do join me on Facebook and Twitter too.
So I very much look forward to getting together with you this year and experiencing the power of our collective intention to create the happy, healthy, wealthy and wise lives we desire. By pooling our resources, we really do enhance our ability to actualize the bright new era so many of us are sensing. And right now is our opportunity to do so. See you soon!
You know about the Law of Attraction and have long been practising positive thinking and affirmations.
Whether you were switched on in the 60s when you learned to meditate, during the 80s reading Louise Hay’s ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ or relatively recently watching the DVD of ‘The Secret’, you are familiar with the universal principle that we “create our own reality”.
But have you REALLY got the hang of it? Are you seeing all the positive developments you would like in your life?
There’s a subtle principle at the heart of manifestation practises that makes all the difference. It’s something that took me a while to grasp, and I’ve been studying and practising these arts for over 30 years!
The key is to be truly RECEPTIVE as well as positively focussed. As well as ‘asking’ for what we desire to come into our life, it is important to allow ourselves to really ‘receive’ it.
If we are too narrow, tense or controlling, about the details of how or when our dreams will come to fruition, we risk repelling what we desire. We must be relaxed and open for it to truly ‘land’.
There’s a formula (more of a metaphor, really) that I like to use which is
100% intention + 100% surrender = manifestation
In other words, as well as being clear, committed and focussed on your desired outcome (100% intention), it is equally important to let go of any attachment to what may or may not happen (100% surrender).
Letting go of attachment releases tension. YOU don’t have to figure out how or when it’s going to happen. YOU don’t have to control or manipulate events to make it happen. Instead, you surrender to a higher intelligence in the universe (God, karma, nature, destiny, law of attraction – however you experience it) and simply put your trust in the process.
It may seem like a paradox – to be 100% intentional and 100% surrendered at the same time – but it’s not. An attitude of bright hope, eagerness and positivity combined with relaxation, faith and receptivity is completely magnetic!
The true power of manifestation lies in our ability to lift our energy, our spirit, our vibration to the level of what we desire. Once we do that, people, events and opportunities match that energy and mirror it right back to us.
If it’s a promotion you seek – imagine yourself happy in your new job. If it’s a soul mate – feel what it’s like to be fulfilled in love. If it’s a more prosperous way of living – visualise living in that bigger house, driving that new car.
Once you inhabit what you seek in your imagination (as though it’s already happening) with consistent energy and focus – and at the same time let go of tension and control – you create the optimum environment for it to show up in your life.
Rachel Elnaugh (Dragons’ Den) discusses the art of manifestation with Srimati
The ‘art of manifestation’ penny finally dropped with me listening to the fabulous Abraham-Hicks teachings. (One of my all time favourite spiritual teachings)
Abraham-Hicks explain that it is not really a matter of ‘manifesting’ in the sense of creating things out there and moving towards them. Rather, we simply create the energetic magnetic field within ourselves, keep a relaxed focus and allow those things (that have already been created simply by our wishing them) to move towards us – something they will inevitably do.
It is a question of ALLOWING – not earning, not winning, not acquiring – simply resonating with and then ALLOWING.
Another of my favourite teachings comes via Wayne Dyer in the form of the Ah Meditation. Like the Abraham-Hicks teachings, this practice has long been integrated into my coaching and workshops.
The Ah meditation is a perfect way to develop 100% intention and 100% surrender.
It is a simple, short and powerful manifestation technique that will catapult your efforts into hyperdrive!
In the following videos I am teaching the Ah meditation at the Entrepreneurs Find Inner Wisdom event (attended by Rachel above) a couple of years ago, followed by a guided practice.
Please be my guest and let me know how you get on with it…
In this video clip from our informal cafe chat, Judy Piatkus (founder of Piatkus Books) is asking me about how to use inner wisdom in our everyday lives. Is it something anyone can access? And how do we do it?
Last week I was in London attending the book launch of Barefoot Doctor’s – The Message. It was a fantastic event hosted by my dear colleagues Imago People TV – a brand new TV based marketing portal for transformational teachers, evolutionaries and heart-centered thought leaders.
Jude Levy, Rachel Elnaugh and Katharine Dever (Imago founders)
I loved it! The theatre was full of sparkling, inspired, genuine friends and collaborators, gathered for this special occasion – the launch of Imago’s first book publication having recently signed Barefoot as Imago’s first ‘star’.
After his talk, Barefoot signed books and then we were transported to a Soho nightclub by a fleet of people-carriers where we had a trance-dance after party. The cocktails were flowing and Barefoot and his DJ friend led a pumping set. A brilliant way to end the night!
I began reading my copy of The Message this morning. Having heard Barefoot speak just a few days ago, the pages are alive with his voice and presence. I was taken right back to watching him on stage – yes with bare feet – talking from the heart without notes and SO eloquently.
And it’s juicy stuff – captivating and satisfying at such a deep level. It reminded me of when I first heard Buddhism taught so excellently by the funky, fresh, bright young guys at the Glasgow Buddhist Centre in the 1980s.
At the tender age of 19, I was awestruck at the meaning and magic being revealed to me. I was being given the ways and means to live a very blessed life – and although I no longer consider myself to be a Buddhist (prefering to be open to all forms of spiritual wisdom) – those early teachings have nourished me for decades.
And The Message – deeply infused with the Taoist wisdom that Barefoot draws from – describes the same universal principles of freedom, self-mastery and interconnectedness that is the essence of all untainted spiritual teaching.
This morning I am sitting in my conservatory back home in the beautiful Devon countryside, listening to the birds and the sound of our village church bells, watching the trees and shrubs bounce in the gentle wind. It is so peaceful after the hurly-burly of London…
Even although I lived in London for 16 formative years, I rarely strayed beyond the ‘urban village’ created by the Buddhist community I belonged to. And these days, I am very much a country bumpkin – an innocent – unused to the wiley ways of London living.
So when I realised that I’d got lost walking from my city hotel to the Barefoot event at Sadlers Wells Theatre, I had an attack of anxiety. I was lost and alone in the backstreets of Shoreditch, the opposite direction to where I should have been going ( must have been a homing instinct as I used to live in the east end).
Asking directions at a film studio, I was advised to retrace my steps all the way to the main road and catch a cab. It was going to take ages and I was already late! Arghh! Panic! But the bigger, wiser part of me was cool. “Don’t worry”, she said, “it’ll be okay. Just put out a prayer.”
“Please I’d like a taxi to show up for me now”, I thought , and sure enough, a black cab immediately appeared from around the corner to drop someone off right in front of me. I told the cabbie he was my angel and gave him a big tip. We made it to the theatre in time.
It was the second ‘kind assistance from strangers’ experience of my London trip. The first had come in the form of two incredibly sweet receptionists at the hotel who couldn’t do enough to help when I requested a change to a quieter room.
I had considered just putting up with the roaring traffic, but then thought, “Well why not just ask?” In the end my room was much nicer and twice the size of the first – and very quiet. “Hmmm, it’s good practice to simply ask for better things”, I reflected.
The next experience of the kindliness of strangers came a few hours later at the book launch. I pulled out my purse to pay for drinks and my payment cards were nowhere to be seen. For a few moments, panic swept through me “They’ve been stolen! How had that happened? How was I going to pay for my hotel? What do I need to do to cancel them and stop them being used?”
But somehow, even in the swirl of panic, part of me was chilled, loving, peaceful. Time slowed down. Although the bar was busy, the bar tender was patient and smiled sympathetically. A complete stranger standing next to me offered to pay my bill. In a few moments, all was well when I discovered my cards had simply fallen out of my purse into my bag. Phew! But how nice to have been held in my moment of anxiety by the care of others I didn’t even know.
However, the biggest ‘angelic intervention’ via strangers happened the following day when I was on my way to a client’s home for a day of coaching. In the night, I had knocked a glass of water over my Blackberry (Instant manifestation there too. In my half-sleep I thought, “Wouldn’t it be awful if I knocked my water on my Blackberry”, and it promptly happened! Be careful what you think about Srimati!). In the morning, my Blackberry wouldn’t work.
The dreadful realisation that I didn’t actually have my client’s full address or phone number written down anywhere soon overwhelmed me. I was relying on my Blackberry for all that information! Once again, complete panic! And then, once again, the bigger part of me was reassuring, amused, loving, and enjoying the adventure of it all. Something would work out. “Just be open to having some help, as with the taxi”, my inner wisdom said.
I set off. At least I knew the name and whereabouts of the apartment block. Maybe there would only be a few flats to choose from and I’d find her. But when I arrived at the address, I was gazing up at a huge tower block – with at least a hundred apartments! How was I going to track her down?
I asked a few residents but no-one seemed to know my client. I chatted with a friendly cleaner who was mopping the floor. He was sorry but he didn’t know her either. With me still feeling strangely peaceful despite the impasse, he melted into the moment with me and suddenly remembered that there was a concierge office for the estate just a short walk away. Maybe they could help.
They did and I was on time for my client. More importantly, with the backing of my calm, loving bigger self, I had navigated the problem without getting flustered and was still in great nick to conduct my coaching day.
To me these events are such a striking example of our ability to respond creatively even when something challenging is happening to us. If we are aware enough of that bigger, calmer, wiser loving self (even when another part of us is panicking) there is always a positive choice to make – even if its just to be open to the help of strangers when we are feeling alone and vulnerable.
I read somewhere recently, “Nothing happens by accident. It merely has a purpose that is not yet understood.”. I like that. I like the idea that whatever happens is for a purpose, even if it’s not what we want, and even if we are not consciously aware of it’s deeper purpose yet.
On reflection, I recognised that I had unconsciously created these circumstances during my London trip for a purpose. The purpose was to graphically demonstrate to myself that I deserve help, support and the best of things; that I am not alone and don’t have to struggle the hard way and that if I am stuck, even random strangers will help me if I only ask. That’s good stuff for an independent person like me to realise.
In this video, I am talking about the freedom of choice that comes from being able to tune in to our inner wisdom – our bigger, wiser self. Being awake to this allows us to calm down, take our time, make the right decisions, be open to the positive options available to us.
Its just as Barefoot describes in The Message –
“Because as soon as you can see all aspects of the manifest world – this world of people and machines, this world of nature, this world of planets, stars and galaxies, this world of infinite space, and this world of you – as an expression of the ineffable background presence, as the Tao throwing shapes on the dance floor of the universe, you are no longer fooled or perturbed by appearances.”
“So that no matter how thrilling or scary your circumstances in any given moment, no matter how scintillating or distracting the current configuration of details, you remain centered, referenced to and identified with the prime cause informing it all and are thus able to maintain equilibrium and perspective at all times. You are able to receive and process the endless incoming stream of information as an expression of absolute love, life and consciousness, as an expression of God or the Tao talking to you.”
So thank you Barefoot Doctor for inspiring me to write this blog this morning. It was a pleasure to meet you and to participate in your beautiful transmission of The Message.
Everyone seems to be talking about it – that the time is upon us to make radical changes – to find kinder, more balanced ways to prosper in life and business.
As the ‘old ways’ of greed and exploitation continue to falter and fall, we are digging deeper than ever to find alternatives. How can we create fair societies, healthy economies and sustainable lifestyles?
Even the government has commissioned a study on how to foster happiness, finally acknowledging how important this personal level of well being is.
I am relieved to say I have heard on a reliable grapevine that the government are genuinely taking heed of the findings.
And thank goodness some attention is being placed where it is due. After all, when we are happy we are healthier, more productive and cause less trouble! All governments should take heed!
Here’s the link to newly launched Action for Happiness whose work I follow and admire – www.actionforhappiness.org
Being a true Aquarian, I’ve been ahead of the curve on this theme. A couple of years ago, I spoke at a conference about our experience of setting up a community run shop in our village.
One of the things I mentioned was that giving and contributing to other people (in this case by volunteering in the community shop) was creating increased happiness and that Gross National Happiness was as important as Gross National Product.
But perhaps it’s true that charity begins even closer – at home i.e. within ourselves. Are we happy, in balance and being kind to ourselves?
When I spoke to former TV Dragon, Rachel Elnaugh, about this she admitted that she felt she had to get ‘tough’ in her early days of business. This left her out of balance and in need of reclaiming her feminine side.
Nowadays Rachel is actively engaged in supporting a new era of feminine wisdom in business. She is in the process of setting up her new project Source TV – a cutting edge platform, specialising in video, dedicated to supporting and promoting ‘heart-centred thought leaders’.
It is so inspiring to witness the growing strength of this wave of conscious and creative entrepreneurs and mentors. I had a very enjoyable couple of days supporting Rachel at the Business Start Up Show in London recently.
Thank you to all you amazing people who I met at Rachel’s stand. The bounce in your step and the sparkle in your eyes is the only proof I need that a time of happiness, life balance and feminine wisdom is nearly here!
Robert’s work has always intrigued me and I’ve heard great things about him from colleagues and friends. Reading his article, I remembered that Robert is a good friend of Nick Williams – another warm and inspiring UK coach who I connected with a couple of years ago.
And so, that led me onto reviewing the video chats Nick and I had recorded together. Up popped this one – Nick asking me what steps I advise people to take if they are starting out with a new business idea.
It’s called Tips for Inspired Entrepreneurs and I give three or four really good practical steps that are helpful if you are formulating or wanting to develop a new business – however big or small.
One of the points we discuss is how PERSONAL it is running your own business and how business success goes hand in hand with our own development as a person.
After all, our business is our creation and an expression of who we are. So to make the best of our business, we need to understand and manage how our personal strengths and weaknesses play out in our work .
And it works the other way too – running a business is one of the most character building endeavours we may ever find ourselves involved in. It can be enormously challenging and by the same token, enormously growthful.
So how does it all begin? How do you formulate and launch a new business idea? Have a look…
As it happens, starting new business is a topical for me as I’m planning to attend the Business Start Up Show in London next month.
My friend and colleague Rachel Elnaugh (former dragon from BBC TV Dragons’ Den) will be there to speak on ‘Metaphysical Marketing’ and ‘The Future is Feminine’ – two topics that are close to both our hearts.
Rachel will also be there ‘womaning’ her stall in support of her exciting new TV channel – Imago People TV. If you want to know more about it, have a look at Imago’s new website:-
But to give you a taste, here are Rachel and I having a video chat about telepathic marketing.
And you are welcome to track down our other videos including our discussion on the emerging Feminine Wisdom in business on my You Tube channel, Thrivecraft.
I made this video with Nick Williams a few years ago when we first met. We are talking about inner wisdom and intuition – how to find it and how to trust it – and how it makes life so much easier!
Nick is a lovely guy and we found we had very resonant interests and approaches to spirituality, work and inner life. He is author of several books including his signature work – Discover the Work You Were Born to Do and runs www.inspired-entrepreneur.com– a vibrant community of heart and soul centered entrepreneurs.
You can download Nick’s free guide to discovering the work you were born to do on his website and find out about all the activities and resources on offer.
Here is our video chat where Nick is asking me about inner wisdom and how I use it in my coaching work to shortcut to the real ‘gold’ within us. (Note that Nick introduces me as Srimati, as I was named in those days!)
I’ve just returned from London where I was attending my friend Rachel Elnaugh’s live mentoring filming event – Business Magic.
As an award winning entrepreneur (for her multi-million first business, Red Letter Days); former Dragon from BBC TV Dragons’ Den; and author of Business Nightmares and forthcoming Business Magic, Rachel is a formidable business mentor.
From the autumn, however, Rachel is winding up her mentoring programme to make way for an exciting new project – see ‘message from Rachel’ on her website www.rachelelnaugh.com Before she does this, she wanted to capture some business mentoring on film in order to create a DVD programme.
And so, at the atmospheric Magic Circle (and on the night of a full moon and lunar eclipse!) we all gathered to hear Rachel reveal her business magic live on stage.
Fantastic! So inspiring!
Coming home, I remembered that I was fortunate to have some live mentoring from Rachel myself last year. And that we filmed it! And that I’ve not shared it with you yet!
So here it is – Rachel digging in to my inner story to help me define my name, brand and the title of a book I was writing.
Pat and I moved in February. Caravan dwelling came to a sudden end when problems staying on the field all year round prompted a rethink. The result was a move into this dinky modern house on the edge of the village with my 16 year old son Jamie. We are familiar with the house because its where Jamie has been living with his dad, Colin, and its been our support base whilst living in the wildfield. So Colin moved out and we moved in – taking over the main parenting role again and allowing Jamie to remain in situ in the big bedroom!
Weekdays have a different rhythm now – up at 6.45am with a quiet mug of earl grey in time to wake Jamie for school. Then its sandwich making, reminders about what’s needed for the day, making sure he catches the bus… By 8am I am out in the conservatory – the nearest thing to a caravan in the house – and getting on with my work. Evenings generally involve collecting Jamie from various after school activities, preparing a meal, a bit of TV – often with a foot massage from my guardian angel husband – and flaking out by 11.
I have to admit that I am relishing being a full-time mum again – and its much needed and long overdue. That’s probably why it feels so right. Colin and I have always lived near each other and co-parented amicably since we separated, but its the first time Jamie has been living in one home with me in all those years. The demands of Colin’s work has changed and its been hard for him to support Jamie on his own. With Pat and I sharing the home parent role and my work enjoying the flexibility of self employment, this is a much better arrangement for Jamie’s last few years of school.
The idea came out of the blue and fell into place immediately. None of us had been thinking along those lines at all. However, even Pat – a reclusive wild man and caravan-life adorer – was convinced of the plan’s merits as soon as it arose. He’s having the toughest time adapting back to ‘normal’ domestic life, but he’s doing his best for the greater good.
Part of the idea is that we keep the caravans and use them during the camping season. This means that any of us can escape back to the wildfield when we need to – just a stone’s throw away but a whole different world. And look out for a new retreat package I’ll be offering soon including accomodation in the wildfield – a perfect place to get away from it all.
Caravans in the Wildfield
So, only 7 months after the biggest downsizing move of my life, it’s been time to upscale again! Having given away all our furniture and household belongings, we needed to start over. However, the abundant universe soon showerered us with gifts and blessings. Within 10 days of moving our new home was all ready and we were celebrating a house-warming with our generous friends and family. Another plus is that after spending a severe, snowy winter in a 25 foot caravan, this modest 2up/2down feels like a palace of comfort and modern conveniences!
Living room to conservatory in new house
The move back into householder life marks the conclusion of an unusually introverted few months over the winter. By the end of October last year (the date of my last blog entry!) I was starting to put the breaks on ever expanding business plans and activities to concentrate on things closer to home. After more than a decade of being full on and ‘out there’ with my vocation, finances and family needed my full attention for a while. It was time to get my own house in order!
Initially, I simply wanted to be around my mum in Scotland as much as possible. She’s been going through extensive medical treatment and I could think of nothing better than to drop everything and be with her. In the event, Pat and I spent most of December up there. Mum lives in a lovely villa on a tiny island off the west coast of the mainland. We spent much of the UK’s ‘big freeze’ up there – helping with driving and hospital visits, enjoying family communion and filling our souls with the stunning beauty of the place.
View out to sea from mum’s upstairs window
Scotland was a tonic after spending November with my nose in account books. As well as doing my current end of year accounts, it was time to face some financial music about a business that hadn’t been doing so well and needed winding up. It was painful and confronting, demanding ruthless soul searching as well as loads of practical work. Every assumption, motive, decision, choice and step that Pat and I had made in recent years had to be examined. With no stone unturned on any level, it was excruciatingly personal and challenging to our self-esteem – and SO hard to forgive mistakes and let go!
As my colleague Rachel Elnaugh will tell you in her brilliant book, Business Nightmares, most entrepreneurs go through extreme financial challenges. Yet there’s a lot of shame and secrecy surrounding it – especially in the UK – and therefore its rarely discussed. But without sharing this crucial business experience how can we learn how to handle it from each other?
Business Nightmares is such an encouraging, inspiring and informative read. By revealling the inside stories of how even well known and successful entrepreneurs struggle, Rachel makes you realise you are not alone. And far from being shameful, knowing what the entrepreneur has been through makes you respect them even more. Do get yourself a copy if you haven’t already. It’s so well written by the wise, warm and witty former TV Dragon, Rachel Elnaugh. Click here to find out more www.rachelelnaugh.com
Telling the Coaching Connect conference about Rachel’s book
During November’s process of intense self-examination, it also dawned on me that I’d become a little bedazzled by a kind of ‘ambitious glitz’. I’d spent the previous 18 months vigourously developing my expert platform (as its called!) – glamming up my public image, publishing blogs and videos, courting book and media deals, launching new workshops, speaking at conferences, cultivating exciting new colleagues and establishing an international network via social media.
All that had been so much fun that I didn’t realise I’d got a bit carried away, taken flight and lost touch with my home ground, or that a certain pushy “must have big success” had crept into me. I knew something wasn’t right because things stopped coming to fruition and I was feeling increasingly strained. Eventually I consulted my inner guidance about it and the message came through loud and clear – “Just STOP, Srimati!” And so I decided to drop everything and take some time out.
It was scary letting go and not knowing what was going to happen, but my courage was rewarded. Having followed my soulful beckonings through the dark of winter, I did find myself back on firm ground and free from the burden of grasping after future success.
There’s a new ease and relaxation in my approach to my vocation and I feel deeply contented and quietly confident that the right work will come to me at the right time. Of course the universe has received my telepathic energetic transmission instantly and a graceful wave of wonderful new work is now gently cascading into my well balanced life. It sure beats chasing the big time!
So I’ll leave you with a video of a conversation Rachel and I had last year. We are talking about telepathic marketing – the art of attracting business opportunities by paying attention to our inner life. It draws on the universal principle that life simply delivers to you whatever you energetically expect will come – whether good or bad – and whether you are conscious of it or not. To find out more about this phenomenon, see the book Ask and it is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks.
The trick is to be aware of your beliefs about life and the signals you are therefore putting out. With a little inner work, you can make sure that they are genuinely aligned with your best interests – and so the universe delivers what’s in your best interests. And as I can testify, there’s nothing better than graceful waves of wonderful things cascading into your life because you’ve put your own house in order!
Totnes is full of single mothers and hardly any single men – my new friends in Devon were quite adamant. “I hope you’re not expecting to find a partner down here!” But I wasn’t moving to Totnes to find a partner, not yet anyway.
After 16 years living in a Buddhist community in London, it was time to move on, and my longing for a rural lifestyle could no longer be ignored. But most importantly of all, my seven-year-old son, Jamie, deserved a more gentle upbringing than a city could afford.
Despite the good reasons, however, there was also an element of strange magnetism I couldn’t put my finger on. In many ways I was leaving a great situation and jumping into the unknown, but there was a compelling force drawing me on – and I had a daring, inexplicable knowledge that this was absolutely the right move.
So, one sunny September morning in 2001, I packed my little grey Peugot to bursting, strapped Jamie in the front beside me, and set off for our new life in the country.
At 37, I was a free agent for the first time pretty much since my teens. I’d split amicably from Jamie’s dad two years ago. It was the most civilised split I’ve ever heard of, but even so, the impact of separating the family was utterly devastating.
My escape came in the form of a smouldering Spanish guy from my 5 Rhythms dance class. However it wasn’t long before I became emotionally trashed by this crazy sex fest of a so called relationship. I was so fragile that I clung on for far too long. Moving to Devon would make sure it was over for good. For the first time in all those years, I was single, and I felt it. I was F – R – E – E !
My heart was soaring when we got out to stretch our legs at Stonehenge. What an incredible monument to mark the half way point to Devon. The sky was blue and the ancient stones seemed to be humming with affirmation that we were doing the right thing. We weren’t in dirty, frantic, complicated London now. Here was the gateway to a whole new magical realm.
Our first base was a caravan in a charming farm campsite not far from Totnes. We were leaving behind a lovely, secure and affordable home in London. It was part of a triangle of Victorian maisonettes with gardens backing on to each other so the kids were safe to roam around with each other.
I was glad that Jamie still had some of that now – access to an indoor swimming pool and an adventure playground and a few other families who were temporarily living at the campsite during the offseason just like us.
There was a lot to do – a home to find, school for Jamie, money to earn, new friends to make. I was fully occupied and completely excited by the experience of making this beautiful place our home.
Originally a spa town, Totnes is known as the ‘alternative capital of the UK’ and has attracted all sorts of interesting people and progressive projects into it’s midst over the decades. And driving through the stunning countryside brought me out in mild bliss every day – very different from the tension that inevitably comes with ‘cheeky driving’ through London traffic.
But by night I was lonely and reeling from all the changes. Jamie was having a tough time too and was playing up appallingly. He was understandably disturbed and angry about being ripped away from all he knew, and I was feeling the strain and guilt. (What possessed me to think he’d settle at the fairy-like Steiner School after his formative years in inner city mainstream education?)
Sometimes the grief and disorientation were almost unbearable. It would have been so comforting to have someone intimate to share all this with – a manly chest to snuggle into…
So, in night time lonely autopilot, I reached out half heartedly for a liaison. Computer dating was a pleasant distraction, safe in the knowledge that everyone was at a reassuring cyber distance. The few dates I met up with soon dissolved any cosy illusions of romance I’d entertained myself with.
There were also a few ‘real’ single men I ran into (despite what my friends had said, Totnes seemed to have plenty of them). I spent a month with Martin no.1, and another with Martin no.2, and hung out with an attractive new friend while he was between girlfriends. But none of it was right and nothing got off the ground.
I knew that this was because I still had some healing to do, and at last I decided to co-operate with the process. I needed to do what usually has to be done when recovering from one relationship and preparing for another – to stay in the gap for as long as it takes and be with myself for a while.
I was overdue to complete some unfinished emotional business – to understand what had happened and why; to let go of hurts and fears; to re-asses who I am now; and establish what kind of relationship would be good for me next.
As a meditator I already had an invaluable tool at my disposal. Meditation gives emotional space and opens up a bigger perspective that allows us to face challenges positively. Along with regular chats with insightful friends and family, my meditation practise gave me the resources to navigate my way through the stormy emotional waters.
So did my practice of 5 Rhythms Dance. At my weekly class, and in the privacy of my own home, this wonderful form of dance free expression accessed and gave full voice to the stories and emotions stuck in my body. I danced and roared and stamped and cried (a lot!) and laughed and gave thanks and laid the ghosts to rest. Over the weeks I became clearer, free-er and more peaceful.
In early February I attended a sweat lodge held by a lovely local shaman down by the River Dart. In the dark, eerie beauty of a winter forest, we ceremonially heated huge stones in a roaring wooden pyre. Once ready, the hot stones were brought into the lodge one by one and sprinkled with sage water.
We sat in a circle inside the lodge, naked and in total darkness, sweating and singing and praying. It was like being inside a womb of pure spirit. We spoke aloud one at a time, each prayer seeming to come from infinite consciousness and be sent out into the entire universe. My prayer was spontaneous and ardent – “Please help me let go of the past and allow me the time and space I need before I get involved in another relationship.”
During one of my more contented evenings, and inspired by Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s book, ‘The Invitation’, I did some reflective writing. In a deep, prayerful way, I wrote about what I longed for – the kind of loving partner that would be ideal for me.
It was almost sacreligious to be so damn honest about what would be utterly wonderful for me. I’d never given myself permission to state these things before. But once it was down on paper I found I was moved by the quality of person I was describing in those two dozen short paragraphs. And somehow, having committed my vision to paper, this man began to take on a tangible existence. It was spooky. It was as though I had begun to create a reality, or at least, call a reality towards me.
Having read widely about metaphysical principles since then, I know that this is exactly what is occurring when we make things conscious and decide to move towards them. As my old Buddhist teacher used to say, ‘It’s not so much that man wills, but that will man’s’. In other words our will manifests into form not the other way around. We become what we wish for. We create our reality from our thoughts and feelings and expectations.
Now, in my work as a coach, writing about ideals is an exercise that my clients use with unremittingly powerful results. But back then, I somewhat innocently placed my writings on my meditation shrine, and forgot about them. Little did I know that I’d planted a seed that would invisibly grow into a garden of opportunity, or that I’d soon be looking upon the face of the man who would become my husband.
At first I didn’t realise I’d met him. As far as I was concerned, this ‘Pat’ guy was just a housemate of a childminder friend I’d gotten to know at Jamie’s school.
Ann and I used to hang out at each other’s houses while our boys played together. So my first few meetings with Pat were incidental – brief interactions during a flurry of noisy, stampeding boys needing after school snacks. I was in ‘mum mode’ and, anyway, I had a background distraction still rolling with one man or another I was half involved with. I wasn’t paying attention where it was due. It took me a further couple of months to wake up. And what a wake up call it was.
Towards the end of April, my much loved, dear, wise, loving gran was dying in Scotland. My sister was giving me bulletins every day, and I was waiting for news of her final passing. Life was sharp. My heart was so open.
Contrastingly, I was experiencing impossibly crossed wires with Martin no.2 and decided to finish it. The very night I broke it off he fell off his steep garden terrace and was hospitalised with a broken back. I was shocked into further acute awakeness.
That same week (intuitively picking up on what was about to happen, I’m sure) I had my Spanish ex-lover from London on the phone asking for one last chance. For the first and last time, I said ‘No’ properly. It was after the sweat lodge prayer and I was crystal clear. Now I was truly free from any involvment whatsoever. I was free to pay attention where it was due.
On the Tuesday I arrived for a session of Holographic Repatterning with my friend Christina. I had booked the session a week ago to help with my relationship with Jamie, but there was something else on the menu.
It soon emerged that the key theme I was ready to explore was meeting the right partner. In the session, Christina revealled to me that I held the unconsious belief that ‘I could never meet a partner that could meet me on all levels’. This was a core reason I had been compromising myself in other relationships. She worked with me over 2 hours to shift this belief, and, three days later…
Pat was covering his childminder housemate’s shift for the day and we were looking after the boys together in the school yard. (Actually, Ann had been trying to set us up for a while as Pat had already eyeballed me with great interest, but I hadn’t noticed). It was the first chance Pat and I had to really talk.
I told him about Martin no.2 and the broken back. Knowing a little about me he commented that it’s very difficult to have a relationship with someone who isn’t spiritual if you are yourself. I liked him. I liked the way he sat on a rock in the playground and looked like a cowboy from the wild west.
Although I didn’t know why, I agreed that I might meet him for a drink that night. I was feeling incredibly sensitive and anti-social (and a pub is the last place I’d go at the best of times) but something led me into the Sea Trout Inn.
The Sea Trout was Pat’s regular drinking hole, just a stone’s throw from the cottage Christina had found for us to move into after our stay in the caravan. I laid aside my puritanical Buddhist prejudices and was pleasantly surprised by the level of meaningful communication happening amongst the public bar locals.
Pat was typically animated and in full flood “You’ve gotta get outta yar head and intta yar heart” he was insisting. He sounded like a cowboy too, or maybe one of those charismatic American preachers.
“A bit full on” I thought to myself, but I was intrigued. And then, suddenly, in the middle of all the passionate discussion, Pat and I gazed intently upon each other. ‘I see you’, he said, slowly and knowingly. ‘I see you too’, I replied with equal gravitas.
In that moment, we did indeed truly see one another. It was like a lightening flash had struck and lit up the entire vast landscape of who we are. The moment returned to darkness, but the flash revealed something forever. In that moment I realised that I recognised Pat, that I knew him, and with that knowledge came the deepest trust and truest love.
We parted in the car park with us both feeling somewhat stunned. “I lo…lo…lo…” Pat stammered. He seemed to be saying something and stuffing it back into his mouth at the same time. He looked as perplexed as I felt. Was he trying to resist saying that he LOVES me? Nah. Surely not.
I went back to the cottage and received the news that my gran had just passed away. Dear Gran. Dear kind, loving, strong, simple, generous, understanding, fiesty, affectionate gran. My spirit couldn’t help but elevate to commune with her and God and the afterlife and all of that other indecribable stuff that these words just don’t do justice to. Her love and essence were filling the Devon skies and I just had to fly with her for a while.
As if in a dream, I found myself popping into the pub at Sunday lunchtime to find Pat. It was completely unplanned. All of a sudden I was there inviting him to take a walk on Dartmoor with me.
We talked about Gran and meditation. Sitting by a rock pool, he told me he would have loved to study psychology if he’d ever been able to. I told him that psychology had been my main subject at University.
Without thinking about it, I took his hand as we walked back to the car. It was as though a greater force was acting through me. I certainly didn’t have the where-with-all to acknowledge what was going on, or make any judgements with my head. I was in the spontanieous and innocent world of my heart alright.
We shared our first kiss in the Sea Trout car park the next night. I was preparing to go to Gran’s funeral later that week. “Come… Back… To… Me…” Pat said gently and plainly. I’d already explained that I had a few romantic loose ends to tie up and couldn’t promise anything. “Take whatever time you need”, he replied.
The day before I flew to Scotland, he appeared in the school playground at pick up time. Pressing a rose quartz into my hand, he wished me well on my trip. Keen interest and support, understanding and freedom. This was a recipe for love. I recognised these qualities from my ideal man list.
It took me another couple of weeks to fully absorb the significance of what was occurring, but in the aftermath of my gran’s funeral, it was a simple and inevitable fact that we would love each other and be together. “Shall we love each other, then?” Pat had asked after an evening of endless, sublime kissing. “Yes, let’s” I replied, but it didn’t really need an answer.
I’d never experienced anything like it. There was no posturing or trying to impress each other and no attempts to hide our less favourable attributes – we were just relaxed and unselfconscious with each other from the very beginning. And there was no question about whether or not we’d be together – no push-pull fear of rejection or of being overwhelmed, no insecurity whatsoever.
Likewise, there was no great destabilising intoxication – the feelings were immediate and profound, but our heads were clear and our feet were on the ground. It was so straight forward – complete harmony, complete certainty – and left nothing to negotiate.
Sixteen months later, we were married.
As I was to discover, Pat had also prepared well for the arrival of what he called a ‘divine relationship’ in his life.
A long time meditator like me, Pat had worked through all the issues raised by previous relationships. He particularly practised forgiveness (including himself) and was unusually clear, more so than me, of the sort of relationship backlog that we often carry into future relationships (and mess up by referring back to ghosts instead of the person with us now).
He had also used a specific manifestation meditation to call his vision of a relationship into being. Popularised and taught by Dr Wayne Dyer in the 80s, this ancient practise brings together the power of the chakras, the voice, and creative visualisation. We call it the Ah/Om meditation.
Most importantly of all, perhaps, Pat adopted an attitude that he referred to as ‘100% intention with 100% surrender’. Although he was very clear about the partner he sought and would not compromise with less, he was also prepared for it not to happen and would be perfectly happy to stay alone should he not find his match.
This is the fine and paradoxical art of being open to one’s aspirations and creative possibilities while at the same time being fluid with our expectations. Many people either don’t let themselves dream through fear of not suceeding or strangle their dreams by having too much at stake and therefore too desparate for them to come true.
Often we don’t let ourselves aspire by assuming we won’t succeed (‘Can’t have’), or corrupt our aspirations into egotistical ambitions by having too much self-worth at stake if they flounder (‘Must have’).
Either way, it betrays a lack of self-knowledge and self-belief. When we see ourselves clearly and believe in ourselves, we don’t need to push things away or grab things towards us to shore up a hollow sense of ourselves. We can allow things to be what they are, free from what we have invested in them. In this freedom we can experience the natural flow of coming and going, and somewhat magically, all our true needs are satisfied (‘Having-ness’).
I didn’t believe that I could find someone who could meet me on all levels, so how could I HAVE that sort of relationship. Pat certainly can meet me on all levels.
This relationship is easily the most satisfying and stimulating either of us has ever known on the domestic, physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual levels. It is grounded and it is sacred. We are plumming depths and scaling heights together that would have been hard to access alone.
Of course it is also intense and challenging. We share so much. As well as living together and joining our families, we co-created our first coaching practice, Thrivecraft.
One day last year, I came across the description of the ideal partner I wrote all that time ago. As Pat and I re-read it together, I was filled with a strange, joyful realisation. The man who those words described was now nuzzling my neck, sharing my life and my deepest aspirations.
It’s amazing what we can magnetise into our lives with clear intention and positivity. Now I understand a little more about those compelling forces that brought me to Devon.
Thrivecraft with Maggie Kay 