Inspirational Coach

Buddhism

Breaking Through Self Doubt

Going well then suddenly stopped in your tracks by an attack of self doubt?  You are not alone!

And it could well be a sign that you are on the point of breaking through to a new level.

Here’s how to find clarity and confidence again…


How I Found My Soulmate

Extract from my new book

Diving for Pearls: The Wise Woman’s Guide to Finding Love.

How did I manage to find my true love and soul mate?

“Totnes is full of single mothers and hardly any single men” – my new friends in Devon were quite adamant.  “I hope you’re not expecting to find a partner down here!”  But I wasn’t moving to rural south west England to find a partner, not yet anyway.

After 16 years living in a Buddhist community in London, it was time to move on, and my longing for a rural lifestyle could no longer be ignored.  But most importantly of all, my seven-year-old son, Jamie, deserved a more gentle upbringing than a city could afford.

Despite the good reasons, however, there was also an element of strange magnetism I couldn’t put my finger on.  In many ways I was leaving a great situation and jumping into the unknown,  but there was a compelling force drawing me on – and I had a daring, inexplicable knowledge that this was absolutely the right move.

So, one sunny September morning in 2001, I packed my little grey Peugot to bursting, strapped Jamie in the front beside me, and set off for our new life in the country.

rumi set your life on fire

At 37, I was a free agent for the first time pretty much since my teens.  I’d split amicably from Jamie’s dad two years ago.  It was the most civilised split I’ve ever heard of, but even so, the impact of separating the family was utterly devastating.

My escape came in the form of a smouldering Spanish guy from my 5 Rhythms dance class.  However it wasn’t long before I became emotionally trashed by this crazy sex fest of a so called relationship.  I was so fragile that I clung on for far too long.  Moving to Devon would make sure it was over for good.  For the first time in all those years, I was single, and I felt it.  I was F – R – E – E  !

My heart was soaring when we got out to stretch our legs at Stonehenge.  What an incredible monument to mark the half way point to Devon.  The sky was blue and the ancient stones seemed to be humming with affirmation that we were doing the right thing.  We weren’t in dirty, frantic, complicated London now.  Here was the gateway to a whole new magical realm.

Our first base was a caravan in a charming farm campsite not far from Totnes.  We were leaving behind a lovely, secure and affordable home in London.  It was part of a triangle of Victorian maisonettes with gardens backing on to each other so the kids were safe to roam around with each other.

I was glad that Jamie still had some of that now – access to an indoor swimming pool and an adventure playground and a few other families who were temporarily living at the campsite during the offseason just like us.

There was a lot to do – a home to find, school for Jamie, money to earn, new friends to make.  I was fully occupied and completely excited by the experience of making this beautiful place our home.

Originally a spa town, Totnes is known as the ‘alternative capital of the UK’ and has attracted all sorts of interesting people and progressive projects into it’s midst over the decades.  And driving through the stunning countryside brought me out in mild bliss every day – very different from the tension that inevitably comes with ‘cheeky driving’ through London traffic.

But by night I was lonely and reeling from all the changes.  Jamie was having a tough time too and was unsettled at school.  He was understandably disturbed and angry about being ripped away from all he knew, and I was feeling the strain and guilt.  (What possessed me to think he’d settle at the fairy-like Steiner School after his formative years in inner city mainstream education?)

Sometimes the grief and disorientation were almost unbearable.  It would have been so comforting to have someone intimate to share all this with – a manly chest to snuggle into…

So, in night time lonely autopilot, I reached out half heartedly for a liaison.  Computer dating was a pleasant distraction, safe in the knowledge that everyone was at a reassuring cyber distance.  The few dates I met up with soon dissolved any cosy illusions of romance I’d entertained myself with.

There were also a few ‘real’ single men I ran into (despite what my friends had said, Totnes seemed to have plenty of them).  I spent a month with Martin no.1, and another with Martin no.2, and hung out with an attractive new friend while he was between girlfriends.  But none of it was right and nothing got off the ground.

I knew that this was because I still had some healing to do, and at last I decided to co-operate with the process.  I needed to do what usually has to be done when recovering from one relationship and preparing for another – to stay in the gap for as long as it takes and be with myself for a while.

I was overdue to complete some unfinished emotional business – to understand what had happened and why; to let go of hurts and fears; to re-asses who I am now; and establish what kind of relationship would be good for me next.

As a meditator I already had an invaluable tool at my disposal.  Meditation gives emotional space and opens up a bigger perspective that allows us to face challenges positively.   Along with regular chats with insightful friends and family, my meditation practise gave me the resources to navigate my way through the stormy emotional waters.

So did my practice of 5 Rhythms Dance.  At my weekly class, and in the privacy of my own home, this wonderful form of dance free expression accessed and gave full voice to the stories and emotions stuck in my body.  I danced and roared and stamped and cried (a lot!) and laughed and gave thanks and laid the ghosts to rest.  Over the weeks I became clearer, free-er and more peaceful.

In early February I attended a sweat lodge held by a lovely local shaman down by the River Dart.   In the dark, eerie beauty of a winter forest, we ceremonially heated huge stones in a roaring wooden pyre.  Once ready, the hot stones were brought into the lodge one by one and sprinkled with sage water.

We sat in a circle inside the lodge, naked and in total darkness, sweating and singing and praying.  It was like being inside a womb of pure spirit.  We spoke aloud one at a time, each prayer seeming to come from infinite consciousness and be sent out into the entire universe.  My prayer was spontaneous and ardent – “Please help me let go of the past and allow me the time and space I need before I get involved in another relationship.”

Dharma Life Cover

During one of my more contented evenings, and inspired by Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s book, ‘The Invitation’, I did some reflective writing.  In a deep, prayerful way, I wrote about what I longed for – the kind of loving partner that would be ideal for me.

It was almost sacreligious to be so damn honest about what would be utterly wonderful for me.  I’d never given myself permission to state these things before.  But once it was down on paper I found I was moved by the quality of person I was describing in those two dozen short paragraphs.  And somehow, having committed my vision to paper, this man began to take on a tangible existence.  It was spooky.  It was as though I had begun to create a reality, or at least, call a reality towards me.

Having read widely about metaphysical principles since then, I know that this is exactly what is occurring when we make things conscious and decide to move towards them.  As my old Buddhist teacher used to say, ‘It’s not so much that man wills, but that will man’s’.  In other words our will manifests into form not the other way around.  We become what we wish for.  We create our reality from our thoughts and feelings and expectations.

Now, in my work as a coach, writing about ideals is an exercise that my clients use with unremmittingly powerful results.  But back then, I somewhat innocently placed my writings on my meditation shrine, and forgot about them.  Little did I know that I’d planted a seed that would invisibly grow into a garden of opportunity, or that I’d soon be looking upon the face of the man who would become my husband.

At first I didn’t realise I’d met him. As far as I was concerned, this ‘Pat’ guy was just a housemate of a childminder friend I’d gotten to know at Jamie’s school.

Ann and I used to hang out at each other’s houses while our boys played together.  So my first few meetings with Pat were incidental – brief interactions during a flurry of noisy, stampeding boys needing after school snacks.  I was in ‘mum mode’ and, anyway, I had a background distraction still rolling with one man or another I was half involved with.  I wasn’t paying attention where it was due.  It took me a further couple of months to wake up.  And what a wake up call it was.

Towards the end of April, my much loved, dear, wise, loving gran was painfully dying in Scotland.  My sister was giving me bulletins every day, and I was waiting for news of her final passing.  Life was sharp.  My heart was so open.

Contrastingly, I was experiencing impossibly crossed wires with Martin no.2 and decided to finish it. The very night I broke it off he fell off his steep garden terrace and was hospitalised with a broken back.  I was shocked into further acute awakeness.

That same week (intuitively picking up on what was about to happen, I’m sure) I had my Spanish ex-lover from London on the phone asking for one last chance.  For the first and last time, I said ‘No’ properly.  It was after the sweat lodge prayer and I was crystal clear.  Now I was truly free from any involvment whatsoever.  I was free to pay attention where it was due.

On the Tuesday I arrived for a session of Holographic Repatterning with my friend Christina.  I had booked the session a week ago to help with my relationship with Jamie, but there was something else on the menu.

It soon emerged that the key theme I was ready to explore was meeting the right partner.  In the session, Christina revealled to me that I held the unconsious belief that ‘I could never meet a partner that could meet me on all levels’.  This was a core reason I had been compromising myself in other relationships.  She worked with me over 2 hours to shift this belief, and, three days later…

Pat was covering his childminder housemate’s shift for the day and we were looking after the boys together in the school yard.  (Actually, Ann had been trying to set us up for a while as Pat had already eyeballed me with great interest, but I hadn’t noticed).  It was the first chance Pat and I had to really talk.

I told him about Martin no.2 and the broken back.  Knowing a little about me he commented that it’s very difficult to have a relationship with someone who isn’t spiritual if you are yourself.  I liked him.  I liked the way he sat on a rock in the playground and looked like a cowboy from the wild west.

Although I didn’t know why, I agreed that I might meet him for a drink that night.  I was feeling incredibly sensitive and anti-social (and a pub is the last place I’d go at the best of times) but something led me into the Sea Trout Inn.

The Sea Trout was Pat’s regular drinking hole, just a stone’s throw from the cottage Christina had found for us to move into after our stay in the caravan.  I laid aside my puritanical Buddhist prejudices and was pleasantly surprised by the level of meaningful communication happening amongst the public bar locals.

Pat was typically animated and in full flood “You’ve gotta get outta yar head and intta yar heart” he was insisting.  He sounded like a cowboy too, or maybe one of those charismatic American preachers.

“A bit full on”  I thought to myself, but I was intrigued.  And then, suddenly, in the middle of all the passionate discussion, Pat and I gazed intently upon each other.  ‘I see you’, he said, slowly and knowingly.  ‘I see you too’, I replied with equal gravitas.

In that moment, we did indeed truly see one another.  It was like a lightening flash had struck and lit up the entire vast landscape of who we are.  The moment returned to darkness, but the flash revealed something forever.  In that moment I realised that I recognised Pat, that I knew him, and with that knowledge came the deepest trust and truest love.

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We parted in the car park with us both feeling somewhat stunned.  “I lo…lo…lo…” Pat stammered.  He seemed to be saying something and stuffing it back into his mouth at the same time.  He looked as perplexed as I felt.  Was he trying to resist saying that he LOVES me?  Nah.  Surely not.

I went back to the cottage and received the news that my gran had just passed away.  Dear Gran.  Dear kind, loving, strong, simple, generous, understanding, fiesty, affectionate gran.  My spirit couldn’t help but elevate to commune with her and God and the afterlife and all of that other indecribable stuff that these words just don’t do justice to.  Her love and essence were filling the Devon skies and I just had to fly with her for a while.

As if in a dream, I found myself popping into the pub at Sunday lunchtime to find Pat.  It was completely unplanned.  All of a sudden I was there inviting him to take a walk on Dartmoor with me.

We talked about Gran and meditation.  Sitting by a rock pool, he told me he would have loved to study psychology if he’d ever been able to.  I told him that psychology had been my main subject at University.

Without thinking about it, I took his hand as we walked back to the car.  It was as though a greater force was acting through me.  I certainly didn’t have the where-with-all to acknowledge what was going on, or make any judgements with my head.  I was in the spontanieous and innocent world of my heart alright.

We shared our first kiss in the Sea Trout car park the next night.  I was preparing to go to Gran’s funeral later that week.  “Come… Back… To… Me…”  Pat said gently and plainly.  I’d already explained that I had a few romantic loose ends to tie up and couldn’t promise anything.  “Take whatever time you need”, he replied.

The day before I flew to Scotland, he appeared in the school playground at pick up time.  Pressing a rose quartz into my hand, he wished me well on my trip.  Keen interest and support, understanding and freedom.  This was a recipe for love.  I recognised these qualities from my ideal man list.

It took me another couple of weeks to fully absorb the significance of what was occurring, but in the aftermath of my gran’s funeral, it was a simple and inevitable fact that we would love each other and be together.  “Shall we love each other, then?” Pat had asked after an evening of endless, sublime kissing.  “Yes, let’s” I replied, but it didn’t really need an answer.

I’d never experienced anything like it.  There was no posturing or trying to impress each other and no attempts to hide our less favourable attributes – we were just relaxed and unselfconscious with each other from the very beginning.  And there was no question about whether or not we’d be together – no push-pull fear of rejection or of being overwhelmed, no insecurity whatsoever.

Likewise, there was no great destabilising intoxication – the feelings were immediate and profound, but our heads were clear and our feet were on the ground.  It was so straight forward – complete harmony, complete certainty – and left nothing to negotiate.

Sixteen months later, we were married, at a beautiful ceremony on the banks of the river Dart.

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As I was to discover, Pat had also prepared well for the arrival of what he called a ‘divine relationship’ in his life.

A long time meditator like me, Pat had worked through all the issues raised by previous relationships.  He particularly practised forgiveness (including himself) and was unusually clear, more so than me, of the sort of relationship backlog that we often carry into future relationships (and mess up by referring back to ghosts instead of the person with us now).

He had also used a specific manifestation meditation to call his vision of a relationship into being.  Popularised and taught by Dr Wayne Dyer in the 90 s, this ancient practice brings together the power of the chakras, the voice, and creative visualisation.  We call it the Ah/Om meditation.

 Click Ah/Om meditation videos for full instruction and guidance on this manifestation meditation practice (filmed at one of my workshops).

 Most importantly of all, perhaps, Pat adopted an attitude that he referred to as ‘100% intention with 100% surrender’.  Although he was very clear about the partner he sought and would not compromise with less, he was also prepared for it not to happen and would be perfectly happy to stay alone should he not find his match.

This is the fine and paradoxical art of being open to one’s aspirations and creative possibilities while at the same time being fluid with our expectations.  Many people either don’t let themselves dream through fear of not suceeding or strangle their dreams by having too much at stake and therefore too desparate for them to come true.

Often we don’t let ourselves aspire by assuming we won’t succeed (‘Can’t have’), or corrupt our aspirations into egotistical ambitions by having too much self-worth at stake if they flounder (‘Must have’).

Either way, it betrays a lack of self-knowledge and self-belief.  When we see ourselves clearly and believe in ourselves, we don’t need to push things away or grab things towards us to shore up a hollow sense of ourselves.  We can allow things to be what they are, free from what we have invested in them.  In this freedom we can experience the natural flow of coming and going, and somewhat magically, all our true needs are satisfied (‘Having-ness’).

I didn’t believe that I could find someone who could meet me on all levels, so how could I HAVE that sort of relationship.  Pat certainly can meet me on all levels.

This relationship is easily the most satisfying and stimulating either of us has ever known on the domestic, physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual levels.  It is grounded and it is sacred.  We are plumming depths and scaling heights together that would have been hard to access alone.

Of course it is also intense and challenging.  We share so much.  As well as living together and joining our families, we co-created our first coaching practice, Thrivecraft.

One day last year, I came across the description of the ideal partner I wrote all that time ago.  As Pat and I re-read it together, I was filled with a strange, joyful realisation.  The man who those words described was now nuzzling my neck, sharing my life and my deepest aspirations.

It’s amazing what we can magnetise into our lives with clear intention and positivity.  Now I understand a little more about those compelling forces that brought me to Devon.

Intuition

Order your advance-publication signed copy NOW!

My new book  Diving for Pearls: The Wise Woman’s Guide to Finding Love

is being published on the 29th September 2017.

There are a limited number of advance-publication signed copies

now available directly from me.

Price (inc post)

UK – £15

Outside UK – £18

Your copy will be posted 1st Class from UK

within 3 days of payment being received.

Buy Now

Buy your copy of Diving for Pearls here

via Paypal (click below)

BUY NOW – UK- £15

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book-cover

Dive For Your Pearls

This book is part true love story and part how-to guide. In these pages, I take you with me on the spiritual adventure of my life and share how I eventually found what I was longing for – deep trust in my own inner wisdom and a true love, soul mate and life partner that can meet me on all levels. Along with the story, I share the insights and learning that lit the way for me with the hope that this will also help illuminate your path of love and wisdom.

My quest for wisdom began when I was a child, trying to figure out if church had the answers to life’s big questions. Continuing by studying psychology at university, I was profoundly affected by the death of my father and discovered the practice of meditation. For nearly two decades thereafter, I trained for and became an ordained Buddhist.

But wisdom wasn’t enough. Although denying it for many years, deep down I also ached to be properly partnered by a soul mate – a true love that shared every aspect of my life. A series of experiences finally brought me to fulfill that destiny and the ensuing spiritual renaissance resulted in the resigning of my ordination and the founding of Thrivecraft – an inspirational coaching practice providing a universal path of love and wisdom for all.

Echoing my own journey, the first half of Pearls is about inner wisdom. Along with this part of my story, I share tips and teachings on meditation, mindfulness and intuition so that you too can tune in to your own natural inner wisdom.

The second half focuses on finding true love and includes my ‘Get Ready For Love’ step-by-step guide. I also describe how inner wisdom continues to serve a deepening relationship once you’ve met a partner (or, indeed, reveals when it is time to move on).

It is my dear wish that you will be inspired by my story and tips, transported by a special ‘Ask Your Inner Wisdom’ meditation I have created and recapture your natural entitlement to be completely guided and supported in all that you do. Go ahead and find the kind of love and wisdom that you so desire and so deserve. Dive for your pearls – they are right here and they are all yours.

Maggie Kay

 


Inner Wisdom on Amit Kainth TV Show

Hot off the press – my episode as the guest on the Amit Kainth TV Show!

Amit is asking me about inner wisdom – Does everyone have inner wisdom?  How do we tell inner wisdom from other, less helpful, inner voices?  How do we access inner wisdom?  And I guide a short experience of consulting our inner wisdom.

Here is the full recording of the show which was aired on Sky TV channel Star Plus in July.


How is your writing going, Maggie?

As many of you know, my main focus this summer is completing the writing of my first book – something I’ve been working up to for many years.  Understandably, the first question I am asked these days is usually “How is your writing going, Maggie?”

In April, I had the extraordinary fortune of winning 1st place on a scholarship programme which means I am being personally mentored for six months by the brilliant and lovely Julia McCutchen, founder of the International Association of Conscious and Creative Writers.  (Find out more about Julia below and at www.iaacw.com )

And so, when Julia invited me to follow her on an ‘intuitive writers’ blog tour’ to share more about my current writing, I was only too pleased to take part.

The idea is that, when invited to do so by the writer before us, we answer four questions about our writing and post a blog about it.  We then invite another writer to follow us on the tour to do likewise.

So here are my answers to the questions…

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What am I working on now?

I am working on completing my first book – Diving for Pearls: How to Discover Your Inner Wisdom.

It feels amazing to be able to state that so clearly – quite a landmark announcement, in fact – as I have only just finally decided which book to complete out of several book ideas that have been fitting and starting for years.

Julia encouraged me to remain patient and “live the question until the answer reveals itself”, and in the end, the decision on which book to focus on for completion came suddenly, spontaneously and unshakeably.  I just KNEW that this is the one.  What had all that agonising been about?

Reviewing all the articles, courses, blogs, workshops, journals, videos and audios I have produced in recent years, it is starkly obvious that what I am most passionate and inspired about is the beauty and power of harnessing our inner wisdom.  I am known as the Inner Wisdom Coach, after all – of course that’s what I want to write about first!

And so, Diving for Pearls is about how we can connect with and use our own inner wisdom along with encouraging stories from my own experience.  My wish is for this book to be the kind of warm, wise, companion handbook that I would have liked by my side in earlier years.

How does my writing process work?

I have learned a HUGE amount about the book writing process during these last few months.  I have been a writer all my life, in one way or another, but Julia was right when she told me that creating a book is a very different process to other sorts of writing.

In May, I attended Julia’s fantastic four day Conscious Writers’ Retreat, which was a complete immersion in the holistic writing process that Julia teaches so beautifully.  (I can’t wait for her forthcoming book, Conscious Writing, to come out!)  And so, I feel my book writing process has had the best possible elucidation and support, right from the start.

This month, I have decided to focus on my book every morning, usually for two or three hours, before getting on with any other work.  (This follows writing my journal and a brief reflection / meditation practice which I like to do first thing every day.)  Julia has encouraged me to establish a daily writing rhythm, even if only for half an hour, and I am appreciating the momentum of this.

One of the things I absorbed early on is that actual writing isn’t the only activity involved in writing a book.  Nurturing the whole body and soul, stimulating the imagination and allowing creativity to arise are also important.  Julia speaks of writing words being just the tip of the iceberg.  So this bit of time ‘working on my book’ every morning, might involve one of several activities.  More often than not, however, I am in the conservatory on the laptop, preferring to bring in the other elements of holistic, conscious writing at other times of the day.

More than half way into the scholarship programme, I discovered that most of the writing for this book has already been done.  For the last few weeks, I have been compiling the material I have already written, and transcribing videos where I have been teaching inner wisdom on my workshops and courses.  It is rather wonderful to realise that I am so much closer to completing my first draft than I thought!

How does my work differ from others in my genre?

Because I am connected with so many kindred spirits – authors, coaches, speakers, teachers – it can seem like everyone is writing similar books to me.  But this isn’t so.  It is very true that each of us has a unique message, a unique voice and a unique audience waiting to receive what we are inspired to share.

Having said that, I did have a start when a successful Hay House author, Becky Walsh, recently published a book about intuition called You Do Know.  I wondered if she had written the book I was meant to write because, five years ago, I was talking to Hay House about my proposal to write a book on intuition called You Know Best.  Now that Becky had pipped me to the post, was there still room in the market for another similar book?

As it happens, only last week, I finally put this concern down.  I noticed that Julia was broadcasting a recent interview with Becky.  As I listened, I realised that Becky was approaching the topic of intuition from a completely different angle, based on her unique life experience and passions.  As well as enjoying Becky’s perspective and contribution on the subject, I was left feeling encouraged and reassured that I have something quite different to share.

Diving for Pearls (the title that replaced You Know Best), is about inner wisdom rather than just intuition.  It draws on my deep knowledge of meditation and Buddhism (having been an ordained Buddhist Minister in my former vocation) as well as my last 12 years experiencing other mystical wisdom.  The book is practical as well as inspiring and has an accompanying guided meditation – Ask Your Inner Wisdom.

Since founding Thrivecraft in 2003, I have been translating my learning and insight into contemporary, non-religious, accessible, everyday know-how through my coaching and teaching.  I haven’t considered myself to be a Buddhist for many years, preferring to embrace a more universal vocation.  I value connecting with all sorts of people regardless of their spiritual framework.

My hope is that Diving for Pearls will bring alive these powerful wisdom teachings in a fresh, relevant and user-friendly way, empowering hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of people worldwide with the gifts of their own inner wisdom.

Why do I write what I do?

You know, I’m not sure I can answer that.  I have no idea!  It just happens, like breathing.  Writing is what I do to engage with life, and the subject – inner wisdom, or whatever I am writing about – is simply whatever fascinates me.

In some ways, I cannot understand how I have got to the age of 50 and have not yet published a single book.  I have a sense that being a published book author is part of my destiny (several of my friends and I have had prophetic meditations, dreams and visions indicating that I will be).  And now, with Julia’s help and the emergence of Diving for Pearls, it seems I am finally on my way to fulfilling that destiny.

 *****

Thanks for the invite, Julia!

Julia's image

Julia McCutchen

Julia is an author, intuitive coach and mentor, and the founder & creative director of the International   Association of Conscious & Creative Writers (IACCW).

Following a successful career as a publisher of books on spiritual and personal development (Element and Random House), a life changing accident in 1999 triggered a series of major quantum leaps in her own spiritual awakening. She left the world of publishing to prioritise exploring the deepest mystery of conscious and creative truth.

Today, Julia teaches conscious (self-realisation) creativity (self-expression), and conscious writing, and is dedicated to opening the way for people to wake up to the truth of who they are, and live consciously and creatively in the world

Julia is the author of The Writer’s Journey: From Inspiration to Publication and Conscious Writing (forthcoming).

Find out more about Julia at www.iaccw.com

Who is next on the tour?

As soon as Julia invited me to participate in the blog tour, I knew instantly who I wanted to ask to follow me – my gorgeous, soul sister, intuitive author friend, Kimberely Jones.  And she said yes!

Look out for Kimberely’s blog next week where she will tell us all about her writing work.  I am sure you will love browsing what Kimberley has to offer, and in the meantime, here’s a little more about her:-

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Kimberley Jones

Kimberley is a 4th generation intuitive ‘seer’ and mystic and an award-winning spiritual mentor. She is also an intuitive writer, artist and filmmaker.

Her purpose in this lifetime is as a ‘spiritual midwife’ for the re-emergence of the Divine Feminine in the real lives of real women.

In 1998 she experienced a profound transformation and spiritual awakening following the passing of her mother. Kimberley’s extraordinary story of awakening has been the subject of psychological research, several books and is currently being turned into a film.

Kimberley now works from home using her experience, gifts, training and wisdom to empower women as they awaken to their true essence.

Find out more about Kimberely at www.kimberleyjones.com

*****

Wake Up your

5 Day Discovery Programme

I am delighted to announce the launch of my brand new home study programme to discover and make great use of your own, reliable inner wisdom.

Equipped with this magical personal resource, you will be able to find answers to questions, solve problems and make decisions from the deeper, wiser part of yourself that knows best.

trust wisdom of soul

This easy, uplifting and powerful programme enables you to find, activate and consult with your own ever-ready, trustworthy inner wisdom.

Simply relax each day with a short guided meditation, video lesson and bonus resource to take you on your transformational journey (approx 30 minutes a day at your convenience).

Waking up your wisdom is a life changer!

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The benefits to you

The Wake Up Your Wisdom discovery programme equips you to:

                      – Easily connect with your own powerful source of inner wisdom

                      – Relax into a simple, fast and effective meditation practice

                       – Answer questions, solve problems and make wise decisions

                       – Develop intuition and discover when to trust your hunches

                       – Feel calm, clear, positive and confident in everyday life

Huge thanks to the amazing team at Source TV who have supported me to launch this exciting new programme.

Wake Up Your Wisdom – 5 Day Discovery Programme

For more details

and to download the programme

Click – Wake Up Your Wisdom


Hold Your Nerve and Breakthrough

When we make positive changes in our life we can sometimes lose our nerve and doubt ourselves.

But actually, being stirred up like this can be a sign that we are on the point of a big breakthrough.

In this video I explain what’s going on and give you some tips on how to hold your nerve.


Let Yourself LOVE

Back in 1998, I was a young mum and an ordained Buddhist living and working in a exciting, modern spiritual community in London.

‘Not getting attached’ is a big teaching in Buddhism and it took me a while to really understand what this means, especially as a new parent  – and that

IT IS OKAY TO REALLY LET YOURSELF LOVE!

The following is an article I wrote about these exploration for Dharma Life Magazine.  And at the end of the article, a short video I recorded in 2009 with Inspired Entrepreneur, Nick Williams, on the same topic…

An All Embracing Urge

Published in Dharma Life Magazine – Winter 1998, written by Maggie Kay (Srimati)

Motherhood has opened up a new emotional realm for Srimati. But how to love wholeheartedly and continually let go is the ground of her daily practice.

Against the odds and ahead of hard evidence, I instinctively knew I was pregnant. As I lay in the bath there was something magical in the air. I found myself, hand on belly, making a heartfelt pledge in a tender whisper: “If you’re there, you’re welcome and I’ll do my best for you.” This was the beginning of the greatest love of my life. One week into my relationship with this unknown, unexpected being, I was howling with an ancient grief as I bled, and feared it was over. The pain of that love had also made itself felt.

But all was well, and that feeling of love and pain gathered substance during the months of pregnancy. My body surrendered more and more to its task, and love for my unborn became increasingly tangible with the growth of the life in my belly. So did the fears. Dreams of the coming birth were mostly beautiful, but my heart was full of the fragility of human life. I felt I would do anything to protect this life inside me, and yet there was so little I could do to ensure its wellbeing. That was ultimately out of my hands. Even before my child was born, I was learning that maternal love means letting go.

I spent an unforgettable night bringing my son into the world. In the calm and comfortable aftermath of that struggle, I lay stung awake by wonder, gazing at him. The blacks of his eyes shone in the dark, peacefully apprehending his new world as he lay between us, his parents, the very flesh that had created him. A few days earlier I’d dreamt I was begging a Nazi soldier not to shoot me, to give me one more week so I could see the face of my unborn child. Becoming a mother has shown me that the death of a child is the cruelest loss imaginable.

As a practicing Buddhist, (In 2002 I resigned my ordination to embrace all forms of spirituality and no longer consider myself to be ‘just’ a Buddhist) such strong feelings have raised many questions for me. What gives rise to such powerful and self-sacrificing maternal love? To what extent does this love help or hinder us in living a spiritual life?

Dharma Life Cover

Some Buddhists claim parenthood is unhelpful from a spiritual point of view, partly because it opens you up to such incredible attachment. It is generally true that the more emotionally involved you are with someone, the more you are liable to be caught in attachment. At worst this can mean limiting, insecure ways of relating, and unhealthy dependence. Attachment is difficult to recognize and can be easily rationalized as something less selfish. For a Buddhist, however, identifying and uprooting this clinging is the very heart of practice and for a Buddhist parent it is no different.

Nevertheless certain Buddhist traditions take the image of maternal love as a metaphor to describe metta, universal loving-kindness:

As a mother watches o’er her child, Her only child, so long as she doth breathe, So let one practice unto all that live An all-embracing mind.

Parenting, especially early parenting, can seem incomparably unselfish — but is it really? What enables such incredible resources to be unstintingly roused in the service of another human being? Perhaps it is because there is cellular identity with the child, especially in the mother’s case: My child is me. There is quite a leap between this and the empathetic identification of a Bodhisattva, the embodiment of compassion, with all living beings; but it is a powerful analogy.

I have come to value the power and vitality of maternal love and motherhood has given me a depth of experience that enriches my spiritual life. I have contacted a huge reservoir of passionate love for my son such as I have never experienced before. Most parents speak of this kind of love for their children. I prefer to see parental love as a spiritual opportunity. The answer is not to back away from the strength of that love, but to dwell deeply in it; to penetrate its nature and the nature of that which you love.

As a parent you have almost no choice but to love your child passionately, and this demands that you find the same intensity of wisdom. The more your heart is open, the more you can allow any wise reflections to touch you and let them transform you.

The story of Kisa Gotami is probably my favorite from the Buddha’s life. Kisa Gotami comes to the Buddha cradling her dead child. She is distraught, even a little crazed, and cannot accept that her child is dead. She has heard the Buddha is a great man, a great healer, and begs him to provide medicine for her ‘sick’ child. The Buddha replies that he will help her. She must find a mustard seed as medicine, but there is one condition: it must come from a household that has not known death.

Kisa Gotami sets out on her quest, knocking at doors. Those who greet her are happy to give her a mustard seed, but shake their heads when they hear of the condition. The living are few, but the dead are many. Kisa Gotami cannot find a house in which no one has died, and gradually a new perspective dawns. She sees the universality of death and this allows her to acknowledge what has happened. She buries her child, returns to the Buddha, and commits herself to the spiritual life.

Kisa Gotami “wakes up” during her quest. She sees that death and loss are universal, so she can finally grieve and let go of her child. This is a deeper engagement with life and death that sees it in a spiritual perspective. In accepting the death of her child, Kisa Gotami gains insight into the nature of human life. Obviously this is challenging ground. Kisa Gotami had the Buddha’s help. But it is not that she stopped loving, just that her love was placed in a much vaster context.

Tibetan Buddhist texts dwell on the mother-child relationship in many ways to evoke the intensity of love that human beings are capable of. The difficulty lies in transforming exclusive love into one that includes all beings. The prospect of loving every being like one’s only child is awesome, but life offers glimpses of such an experience. For example, when one grieves the death of a loved one, the combination of feelings arising from a personal loss, with an acknowledgment of the universality of death, can open up an intense love for all humanity.

Compassion comes with realizing that all beings will one day share this moment in their own way. Similarly, dying people sometimes reach a serenity where they accept impending death and are imbued with a sublime love for their family and for life itself — as if only this fullness of love is important, more important and powerful than death itself. Over the years I have thought a great deal about the nature of human love, ordinary human affection and intimacy with all its imperfections. It is this middle ground between the lofty climes of metta and the grip of unconscious attachment that I am interested in — that is where many of us stand for much of our lives.

Srimati with Jamie

When I first became involved in Buddhism I latched on to the notion of non-attachment because I was hurt by loss and death. I was 19 and didn’t know myself well. Although fairly bright and positive on the surface, I was unconsciously on the run from painful experiences. My adolescence had ended abruptly with my father’s illness and death, and I had witnessed the agony my mother suffered in losing him. I felt mature beyond my years, and my world of teenage rebellion became meaningless.

So, too, did my relationship with my first love, who had recently held such passion and promise for me. I had thought he was my soul-mate, the man I’d spend my life with. But my need for him melted away and I felt strangely alone. Suddenly, I found myself telling him it was over and telling my mother that I was leaving home.

Within a few months, my inner searching brought me to the Glasgow Buddhist Center, and I instantly recognized I had found the means to understand life and death that had been invisibly beckoning ever since I can remember. Although my response to the Dharma was largely sincere, I misconstrued some of what I learnt. While I rejoiced in my fortune at having come across the Buddhist path so young and unencumbered, I did not realized how much emotional backlog I had to deal with. It was during this initial phase that I developed a sort of defended pseudo-independence and fooled myself that I was free of attachments.

Fortunately meditation and spiritual friendship sorted me out. I threw myself into the spiritual life, and moved to the London Buddhist Center where I could participate in more intensive situations for practice, and be around more experienced Buddhists. Meditating every day, living in community with other Buddhists and working in a Buddhist Right Livelihood business was like being in a hall of mirrors. Everywhere I looked, my being was reflected back. There was no escape. So the pain of what I had been running from caught up with me. It was a journey into the underworld and I came more deeply into relationship with the love and pain that had been stirred by these losses.

By fully grieving, in opening up my heart to what had happened, the psuedo-independence crumbled. I was heartbroken, and from that broken heart a bigger heart was released. I began to see that non-attachment was not about holding back, being self-contained and trying to limit the inevitable emotional damage that comes through being in relationship with people. Ironically, I’ve found that non-attachment is about loving deeply, letting my love flow, admitting how much friends, family and partner matter. It involves being willing to love them, give myself to them, even though we will one day be parted. There’s nothing we can do to stop death, to end separation. Non-attachment means being prepared to take the pain of losing loved ones because the sheer experience of love is worth it.

My attitude to love began to change as I acknowledged the truth of impermanence, and the inevitability of the suffering implicit in loving. From feeling I made myself vulnerable by loving, I began to experience a greater robustness in my love. What did I really have to lose? I started to see love as giving rather than losing myself. Really to love I must be prepared to give everything and let go of everything. I must learn to release my love, love for its own sake, with no desire for a secure pay-off.

More than a decade later, with a partner and a four-year-old son, those ponderings have a new arena. The issues of attachment are different. I cannot choose whether or not to love my son, whether it is ‘safe’ to invest emotional energy in him. It is absolutely what I must and will do. I am only beginning the journey of loving as a mother, and every time I think I have understood what is involved, it changes.

And yet I sense that the lessons of this decade are the same. Only insight into to my son’s true nature, indeed into human nature in general, can free me from attachment. Every so often a tragic news story rips through the day-to-day illusion that this love is forever, never to be disturbed by accident, illness, separation.

I do not want to have to face what Kisa Gotami experienced in order to wake up to the human situation, but I do want to wake up. I want to feel unbounded love that is passionate, full and wise. Living with the tension of loving fully and letting go is not easy: it involves simultaneously holding two apparent opposites.

But hopefully the tension will allow a larger perspective to emerge. In the meantime I feel it is the only option. Love is not about binding another or oneself to a status quo because of insecurity. That is essentially an impossible task: things change, like it or not. It means taking a stand on a deeper, spiritual knowledge. To love fully is to open oneself to the truth of the human condition.

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Talking with Inspired Entrepreneur, Nick Williams, about love and non-attachment – video interview  2009.  Click below:


Are We Free to Choose Our Destiny?

Sometimes!  As I explain in this video extract from my Entrepreneurs Find Inner Wisdom event (attended by Rachel Elnaugh, former Dragon from BBC TV’s Dragons’ Den).