In this brand new video, I explain why relaxing into your natural rhythm fosters inspiration and allows you to create and make things happen joyfully and with ease…
What’s new for you this year? Are you feeling the call to get together?
I definitely am and have been feeling increasingly inspired to host new events, groups and workshops this year – visiting themes that are hot for us all right now. There was such an enthusiastic response to our sell out UNITY 2012 event on 12.12.12. and our tribe continues to grow and want more!
This week our new ENDEAVOUR support group gets underway. This is a gathering of close kindred spirits (five men and five women) – each of us impressive individuals already following our calling, but keen to experience the power of the collective and take a leap together.
We are all mature body/mind/spirit professionals and artists, most of us parents, who know what it is like to carry responsibility and forge ahead. We are leaders and ‘givers’ and it is easy for us to sideline our own need for support and input. So it is great that we have decided to come together in a nourishing and stimulating peer group. Quantum leaps happen when we get together like this!
Thanks to Kimberely Jones http://www.kimberleyjones.com for contributing the above image. Artwork by Jennifer Cairns, Daybreak Design, info@daybreak.ca
Another new support group will get underway in Totnes, Devon in the coming weeks. THRIVECRAFT WEEKLY will be a Friday morning drop-in session. We will explore themes such as visioning, manifesting, channeling wisdom, using intuition and creating abundance and discover how these can be utilised in our life, love and business.
Each week I will be presenting the theme and guiding meditation, exercises and discussion. Our groups always attract a fantastic caliber of conscious, open-hearted people who contribute a lot to each other. Many friendships and connections are made. We will break for tea and there will be the opportunity to go for lunch together afterwards.
I will also be running a series of one day workshops this year. Requests are coming in for workshops on manifesting dreams and projects, boosting money and prosperity, business and marketing support and for developing intuition and channeling wisdom. Let me know if you have any more ideas and I’ll be happy to consider them.
For those of you further afield, I am currently writing some new material for online courses, webinars, e-books, audios and videos (as well as converting my existing courses into online formats). As a true Aquarian, I really feel my connection with you all worldwide and love to connect with you on the internet. Do join me on Facebook and Twitter too.
So I very much look forward to getting together with you this year and experiencing the power of our collective intention to create the happy, healthy, wealthy and wise lives we desire. By pooling our resources, we really do enhance our ability to actualize the bright new era so many of us are sensing. And right now is our opportunity to do so. See you soon!
I love the dreamy music and your treacly voice – heaven!
As part of my journey to find answers, I will listen to this every morning.
Thanks for helping me to find my true self.
You have a really special gift.”
– Charlotte Turner, artist.
I am so delighted to be launching my new guided meditation, Ask Your Inner Wisdom.
This meditation has been specially created by me to take you deep into your own inner wisdom to find answers to personal questions.
Allow my voice and specially composed music to lead you on an effortless journey to find solutions and resolve dilemmas in your life, love and business.
During the course of 20 minutes, you will find yourself relaxing into a deep source of nourishment and wisdom and finding an answer to an everyday or pressing problem.
Suitable for experienced meditators and novices alike, this meditation is an easy, enjoyable meditation that will delight you with its beauty and power.
Return as often as you like to plumb the depths of your own inner wisdom – a source of direction beyond our usual ‘thinking mind’ that is wise, trustworthy and leads to the very best outcomes.
Just find a comfortable place to sit where you will be undisturbed for a while, close your eyes, and away you go…
Ask Your Inner Wisdom
New guided meditation by Maggie Kay
Mp3 Download (20 mins)
£5
Buy Now – instant download
………………………………………..
In this video, Maggie Kay explains how this meditation helps you to find your intuitive wisdom…
Stop for a moment. Just a moment. It’s okay. It’s really good for you. Take a deep breath. Breathe out. And another. Breathe out.
Is there somewhere you can sit down for a few minutes? Or a quieter place to stand? Decide to take a few more minutes to yourself. Breathe freely. Stretch, shake out, then settle again. Let the tension sigh away as you breath out. Be at ease.
Where are you? Look around. See the colours and shapes around you. Then close your eyes if you can. Breathe in the air. What can you smell? Taste? What can you hear? Near? Far? Notice what you are touching. What’s touching you. The textures. The temperatures. Your feet on the ground. The air on your face. The way your clothes wrap your body. Breathe in and out through your senses.
Breathing into your whole body. Let your weight drop down. Down into the ground. Let your breath move through you. Soften your muscles. Shoulders drop. Tummy round. Jaw loose. Tongue free. Feel the breath reaching your toes. Running along your spine. Arriving at your finger tips. Tingling your scalp.
Breathing swimming through you. Let go of thinking for a while. Give yourself a delicious time out. Nothing to figure out for now. Let your eyes be soft and dewy. The mask of your face melt. Brain slack. Thoughts gently floating to the ground. Like dust particles falling through a sunny room.
Feel how good it is to breathe. To just be breathing. There’s nothing else you need do right now. Just breathing. Sensing. Being.
Feel your chest rise and fall. What’s it like in there? Tight? Expansive? Allow it to open a little more. Breathe into the area around your heart. Does it feel good? Uncomfortable? Numb? Just breathe. However it is or isn’t.
Feel your upset. That’s okay. Feel your good feelings. That’s okay. Feel your blankness. That’s okay. Whatever you feel or don’t feel. That’s okay.
Breathe into the whole of yourself. Every molecule. Every vibration. Your body. Your mind. Your heart. Let yourself drop deep. Let yourself spread wide. Let the breath be everywhere.
Notice the space inside you. The warmth. The places that feel good. Breathe. Allow them to expand. Feel the freedom within you. Let it grow. Know that everything is going to be okay. Feel the vastness within and around you.
All that you think. All that you feel. All that you sense. All that you know.
Being with all that you are.
Now. What’s bothering you? What’s on your mind?
A decision? A problem? A question?
What is it? What’s troubling you? Choose one thing you’d like to resolve.
Breathe with all that you are. Make it clear in your mind what this one issue is.
Feel the energy of it in your body. Feel the emotion of it in your heart. In your breath.
Now imagine yourself picking up your issue and rolling into a pebble in your hands. There is a beautiful, deep, clear pool of water before you. After a moment, make a wish to resolve your issue and drop your pebble into the pool. Let the pebble sink down, down, down to the bottom of the pool.
Just being for a while. Enjoying the ripples.
Then…. you notice. There seem to be some messages coming from the ripples. What whispers do you hear? What images appear? What ideas occur to you?
It may not make sense. It may not be what you expect. It doesn’t matter. Just notice. Whatever happens or doesn’t happen is perfect.
Take a few more moments to be. Breathe.
Now, with the next few breaths, waking back up. Take a deep breath and stretch. Open your eyes. Feeling whole and fresh. Wake up.
Remind yourself what just happened by the pool. What was your issue? What messages did you receive about it?
Whether you received any messages or not. Whether you understand them or not. Let it be. You may not know how yet. Restate your wish to have your issue resolved. Carry on with your day.
Now and over the next few days, open yourself to whatever help or ideas come your way.
Revelation – finding wisdom from within
New guided meditation
Want some help with the process?
Download my brand new guided meditation – Revelation: finding wisdom from within – specially created to drop you deep into your own source of inner wisdom.
Sometimes! As I explain in this video extract from my Entrepreneurs Find Inner Wisdom event (attended by Rachel Elnaugh, former Dragon from BBC TV’s Dragons’ Den).
In this video clip from our informal cafe chat, Judy Piatkus (founder of Piatkus Books) is asking me about how to use inner wisdom in our everyday lives. Is it something anyone can access? And how do we do it?
Three little words – famously coined by Joseph Campbell – hold the key to a truly happy, fulfilled life.
Follow. Your. Bliss.
To follow you need to find the trail. Maybe you can’t exactly see what your final destination is, but you get a bit of the picture, a feeling, a general sense of direction.
And it is okay to take one step at a time and trust that the next step will be revealed. All you need do is ensure that you are still on the path of bliss, that each step feels good – even if you don’t know where it is ulitmately leading.
It is your bliss we are talking about. Not anyone else’s! And not what other people think should be yours. What sets you alight, turns you on, fills you with happiness?
And you don’t have to understand why you feel that way, justify your passion to yourself or anyone else, or know how your dreams will be achieved.
You came into the world with your own unique talents, interests and potential. Just stick to what you really love, trust what feels good and eventually it will all take shape.
And what is bliss? It is something deeper than just immediate gratification. It is an expansive feeling of rightness, truth, freedom, unfolding, fulfilment. It bubbles up from deep within.
Sometimes we choose what we think we want, but it does not really satisfy us. It feels hollow, like it hasn’t really hit the spot
If that’s the case, we are probably not truly following our inner guidance, but are compromising in some way (usually to please others, or because we think there’s no other option).
Bliss arises when you are attuned to your inner wisdom and are being guided by love rather than fear.
You are making choices that are satisfying and sustainable and that lead to more happiness and good choices – a positive spiral.
I explain more about how to step into this positive spiral in the following video clip – Which Voice In My Head Do I Trust? (My most watched video!)
So if you have a decision to make, take a few breaths and check in with yourself.
Make sure that you are feeling expansive, inspired and loving before you make your choice. That way you can be confident that you are on the right path to a happier, more fulfilling life.
Everyone is intuitive. It is part of you. It is just a matter of waking it up, excercising the ‘muscles’ and learning what signals to trust.
Think about it for a moment. Think about all those times you’ve had a hunch, a gut feeling or a sensation deep down that you just KNOW what’s right. That’s your intuition speaking to you.
Do you listen though? How often do you follow your inner promptings and let your intuition guide your decisions? Do you realise how much of a smoother ride you would have in life if you did?
The trouble is that we are not very schooled in how to find and use our intuition. These days, the emphasis is on our quick thinking rather than our deep knowing. This means that most of us are missing out on a fantastic natural method of getting the best from life.
How do you tap into your intuition?
Pause and take a few deep breaths.
Ask yourself what’s best.
Receive your answer.
It’s as simple as that!
Inner guidance, answers and solutions are literally a few breaths away.
The first trick is to REMEMBER to pause and ask at the outset.
Take 10
The best way to remember to pause and ask in the heat of your busy everyday life is to practise a little when things are quieter.
Just 10 quiet minutes a day will really help. Spend 10 minutes of every day sitting quietly by yourself – no TV, radio, phone, computer or interruptions – just you sitting down, relaxing, feeling your breath moving through your body.
If you are not accustomed to ‘taking 10’ like this, you will be amazed how refreshing it is and how good it makes you feel for the rest of the day.
It is good to find a regular spot in the day that works for you – like after your morning cuppa, on the train to work (providing you have earphones!), or sitting in the car when the kids are dropped off at school – and to incorporate it into your everyday routine.
Watch to find out how life gets better when we use our intuition…
Try my guided audio to tap into your inner wisdom…
Last week I was in London attending the book launch of Barefoot Doctor’s – The Message. It was a fantastic event hosted by my dear colleagues Imago People TV – a brand new TV based marketing portal for transformational teachers, evolutionaries and heart-centered thought leaders.
Jude Levy, Rachel Elnaugh and Katharine Dever (Imago founders)
I loved it! The theatre was full of sparkling, inspired, genuine friends and collaborators, gathered for this special occasion – the launch of Imago’s first book publication having recently signed Barefoot as Imago’s first ‘star’.
After his talk, Barefoot signed books and then we were transported to a Soho nightclub by a fleet of people-carriers where we had a trance-dance after party. The cocktails were flowing and Barefoot and his DJ friend led a pumping set. A brilliant way to end the night!
I began reading my copy of The Message this morning. Having heard Barefoot speak just a few days ago, the pages are alive with his voice and presence. I was taken right back to watching him on stage – yes with bare feet – talking from the heart without notes and SO eloquently.
And it’s juicy stuff – captivating and satisfying at such a deep level. It reminded me of when I first heard Buddhism taught so excellently by the funky, fresh, bright young guys at the Glasgow Buddhist Centre in the 1980s.
At the tender age of 19, I was awestruck at the meaning and magic being revealed to me. I was being given the ways and means to live a very blessed life – and although I no longer consider myself to be a Buddhist (prefering to be open to all forms of spiritual wisdom) – those early teachings have nourished me for decades.
And The Message – deeply infused with the Taoist wisdom that Barefoot draws from – describes the same universal principles of freedom, self-mastery and interconnectedness that is the essence of all untainted spiritual teaching.
This morning I am sitting in my conservatory back home in the beautiful Devon countryside, listening to the birds and the sound of our village church bells, watching the trees and shrubs bounce in the gentle wind. It is so peaceful after the hurly-burly of London…
Even although I lived in London for 16 formative years, I rarely strayed beyond the ‘urban village’ created by the Buddhist community I belonged to. And these days, I am very much a country bumpkin – an innocent – unused to the wiley ways of London living.
So when I realised that I’d got lost walking from my city hotel to the Barefoot event at Sadlers Wells Theatre, I had an attack of anxiety. I was lost and alone in the backstreets of Shoreditch, the opposite direction to where I should have been going ( must have been a homing instinct as I used to live in the east end).
Asking directions at a film studio, I was advised to retrace my steps all the way to the main road and catch a cab. It was going to take ages and I was already late! Arghh! Panic! But the bigger, wiser part of me was cool. “Don’t worry”, she said, “it’ll be okay. Just put out a prayer.”
“Please I’d like a taxi to show up for me now”, I thought , and sure enough, a black cab immediately appeared from around the corner to drop someone off right in front of me. I told the cabbie he was my angel and gave him a big tip. We made it to the theatre in time.
It was the second ‘kind assistance from strangers’ experience of my London trip. The first had come in the form of two incredibly sweet receptionists at the hotel who couldn’t do enough to help when I requested a change to a quieter room.
I had considered just putting up with the roaring traffic, but then thought, “Well why not just ask?” In the end my room was much nicer and twice the size of the first – and very quiet. “Hmmm, it’s good practice to simply ask for better things”, I reflected.
The next experience of the kindliness of strangers came a few hours later at the book launch. I pulled out my purse to pay for drinks and my payment cards were nowhere to be seen. For a few moments, panic swept through me “They’ve been stolen! How had that happened? How was I going to pay for my hotel? What do I need to do to cancel them and stop them being used?”
But somehow, even in the swirl of panic, part of me was chilled, loving, peaceful. Time slowed down. Although the bar was busy, the bar tender was patient and smiled sympathetically. A complete stranger standing next to me offered to pay my bill. In a few moments, all was well when I discovered my cards had simply fallen out of my purse into my bag. Phew! But how nice to have been held in my moment of anxiety by the care of others I didn’t even know.
However, the biggest ‘angelic intervention’ via strangers happened the following day when I was on my way to a client’s home for a day of coaching. In the night, I had knocked a glass of water over my Blackberry (Instant manifestation there too. In my half-sleep I thought, “Wouldn’t it be awful if I knocked my water on my Blackberry”, and it promptly happened! Be careful what you think about Srimati!). In the morning, my Blackberry wouldn’t work.
The dreadful realisation that I didn’t actually have my client’s full address or phone number written down anywhere soon overwhelmed me. I was relying on my Blackberry for all that information! Once again, complete panic! And then, once again, the bigger part of me was reassuring, amused, loving, and enjoying the adventure of it all. Something would work out. “Just be open to having some help, as with the taxi”, my inner wisdom said.
I set off. At least I knew the name and whereabouts of the apartment block. Maybe there would only be a few flats to choose from and I’d find her. But when I arrived at the address, I was gazing up at a huge tower block – with at least a hundred apartments! How was I going to track her down?
I asked a few residents but no-one seemed to know my client. I chatted with a friendly cleaner who was mopping the floor. He was sorry but he didn’t know her either. With me still feeling strangely peaceful despite the impasse, he melted into the moment with me and suddenly remembered that there was a concierge office for the estate just a short walk away. Maybe they could help.
They did and I was on time for my client. More importantly, with the backing of my calm, loving bigger self, I had navigated the problem without getting flustered and was still in great nick to conduct my coaching day.
To me these events are such a striking example of our ability to respond creatively even when something challenging is happening to us. If we are aware enough of that bigger, calmer, wiser loving self (even when another part of us is panicking) there is always a positive choice to make – even if its just to be open to the help of strangers when we are feeling alone and vulnerable.
I read somewhere recently, “Nothing happens by accident. It merely has a purpose that is not yet understood.”. I like that. I like the idea that whatever happens is for a purpose, even if it’s not what we want, and even if we are not consciously aware of it’s deeper purpose yet.
On reflection, I recognised that I had unconsciously created these circumstances during my London trip for a purpose. The purpose was to graphically demonstrate to myself that I deserve help, support and the best of things; that I am not alone and don’t have to struggle the hard way and that if I am stuck, even random strangers will help me if I only ask. That’s good stuff for an independent person like me to realise.
In this video, I am talking about the freedom of choice that comes from being able to tune in to our inner wisdom – our bigger, wiser self. Being awake to this allows us to calm down, take our time, make the right decisions, be open to the positive options available to us.
Its just as Barefoot describes in The Message –
“Because as soon as you can see all aspects of the manifest world – this world of people and machines, this world of nature, this world of planets, stars and galaxies, this world of infinite space, and this world of you – as an expression of the ineffable background presence, as the Tao throwing shapes on the dance floor of the universe, you are no longer fooled or perturbed by appearances.”
“So that no matter how thrilling or scary your circumstances in any given moment, no matter how scintillating or distracting the current configuration of details, you remain centered, referenced to and identified with the prime cause informing it all and are thus able to maintain equilibrium and perspective at all times. You are able to receive and process the endless incoming stream of information as an expression of absolute love, life and consciousness, as an expression of God or the Tao talking to you.”
So thank you Barefoot Doctor for inspiring me to write this blog this morning. It was a pleasure to meet you and to participate in your beautiful transmission of The Message.
If I have one mission in life it is to alert you to the immense wealth you already have at your diposal – your inner wisdom!
We all have the capacity to dip in to this pot of gold to find answers, solutions and direction at every step. But some of you have yet to find out how to visit this inner world – or know what to do once you get there!
Actually, it’s very simple. You can soon learn how to pause and tune in to your ‘inner wisdom frequency’. And how to tell it apart from the fretful noise in your head which can lead you astray!
In recent years, I have created a guided audio experience (okay, yes, meditation if you like!) that shortcuts you to your inner wisdom.
I’ve discovered that even those of you who are ‘not the meditating type’ find it easy and enjoyable. So give it a try!
And many of you seasoned meditators have reported how refreshing and useful it is to be guided straight to wise answers with this unique audio journey.
As a festive season give-away, I am making the MP3 download of my guided audio available to you absolutely free!
As an added bonus, you can also download the recording of my recent webinar on Inner Wisdom hosted by mother-entrepreneur magazine, Tunza Spirit. www.tunzaspirit.com
In the webinar I describe how just 10 minutes of quiet time a day can prepare you to ‘hear’ your inner wisdom – and how to create this precious you-time in your day so that it becomes second nature.
To whet your inner wisdom appetite, check out this short video where I’m talking about inner wisdom, my guided meditation and forthcoming book.
The gold within you awaits!
Just click the link below for FREE access to the MP3 download of Answers: Finding Wisdom from Within.
Plus bonus access to my recent Tunza Spirit magazine webinar packed with tips and insights on finding and using Inner Widom.
Everyone seems to be talking about it – that the time is upon us to make radical changes – to find kinder, more balanced ways to prosper in life and business.
As the ‘old ways’ of greed and exploitation continue to falter and fall, we are digging deeper than ever to find alternatives. How can we create fair societies, healthy economies and sustainable lifestyles?
Even the government has commissioned a study on how to foster happiness, finally acknowledging how important this personal level of well being is.
I am relieved to say I have heard on a reliable grapevine that the government are genuinely taking heed of the findings.
And thank goodness some attention is being placed where it is due. After all, when we are happy we are healthier, more productive and cause less trouble! All governments should take heed!
Here’s the link to newly launched Action for Happiness whose work I follow and admire – www.actionforhappiness.org
Being a true Aquarian, I’ve been ahead of the curve on this theme. A couple of years ago, I spoke at a conference about our experience of setting up a community run shop in our village.
One of the things I mentioned was that giving and contributing to other people (in this case by volunteering in the community shop) was creating increased happiness and that Gross National Happiness was as important as Gross National Product.
But perhaps it’s true that charity begins even closer – at home i.e. within ourselves. Are we happy, in balance and being kind to ourselves?
When I spoke to former TV Dragon, Rachel Elnaugh, about this she admitted that she felt she had to get ‘tough’ in her early days of business. This left her out of balance and in need of reclaiming her feminine side.
Nowadays Rachel is actively engaged in supporting a new era of feminine wisdom in business. She is in the process of setting up her new project Source TV – a cutting edge platform, specialising in video, dedicated to supporting and promoting ‘heart-centred thought leaders’.
It is so inspiring to witness the growing strength of this wave of conscious and creative entrepreneurs and mentors. I had a very enjoyable couple of days supporting Rachel at the Business Start Up Show in London recently.
Thank you to all you amazing people who I met at Rachel’s stand. The bounce in your step and the sparkle in your eyes is the only proof I need that a time of happiness, life balance and feminine wisdom is nearly here!
In the last few days I’ve been reading a book by spiritual teacher Dr Wayne W Dyer called There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem. It’s great – so relevant, uplifting and re-assuring – and is awakening many creative thoughts within me.
Wayne first became a source of inspiration for me after my husband Pat introduced his work to me eight or nine years ago. During the 1990s, Wayne taught the Ah meditation – a manifestation practice that he’d learned from one of his Indian Gurus – and Pat and I have been passing it on to friends, colleagues and clients ever since our Thrivecraft days.
Last year, I explored the practice in depth at my Entrepreneurs Find Inner Wisdom event, held here in Totnes, Devon. This was filmed, but apart from posting the videos on my blog soon afterwards, I have not really made a point of publishing them. Despite this, I have noticed that often people find the videos searching for information on the Ah meditation, so perhaps it’s about time that I made them more available…
Having plucked Wayne’s book off my bookshelf recently (and realised it was gifted to me by my special guest at Entrepreneurs Find Inner Wisdom – former BBC TV Dragon and business mentor, Rachel Elnaugh) I took this as a sign that it was time to run the Ah meditation video series here on my blog.
So here you are, a series of six short videos on the Ah meditation to dip into. Do let me know what you think – and what results you get! Enjoy!
1. Manfestation – You are a magician!
2. Introducing the Ah Meditation – Background and How to
3. Questions on the Ah Meditation – Do You Have to Believe for it to Work?
4. Preparing to do the Ah Meditation – Guided Relaxation / Opening the Chakras
5. Practising the Ah Meditation – Guided Practice
6. Concluding the Ah Meditation – Guided Om Chanting
We are all so clever. Me too – what a clever clogs! Whirrrr goes my mind – working it all out, coming up with all the plans and solutions… But now and then I hit a brick wall. My intellect can take me no further. In fact it has sometimes gotten me into quite a lot of trouble – taken me down wrong roads, round in circles or smack into the bricks.
Like most of us I have a very strong work ethic – if only I work harder, put in more effort, I will EARN my right to have or be this or that. Except that pure mental exhertion is not the whole story and it is not sustainable. Sooner or later it becomes counter-productive. By narrowing down our focus to a solitary slog of the intellect we shut out the natural supply of support and energy all around us in other dimensions. It’s like a plant squeezing closed its roots and refusing the sustenance of the soil.
A year ago, whilst living in the Wild Field, I was contemplating my relationship to money, wealth and prosperity. Despite months of thinking, planning and action around making a better living, something was compromising the flow of abundance into my life. I decided to undertake a 40 day spiritual programme – The Abundance Programme by John Randolph-Price – to explore what unconscious attitudes might be holding me back.
Soon into the programme, I uncovered my main ‘vanity’ – an attachment to the idea that I was soley responsible for coming up with all the answers. My pride meant that I was shutting off receptivity to support from elsewhere and it was only when I finally admitted that I’d run out of ideas that any of that was available to me.
Almost as soon as I saw this, things began to change (and indeed, a year on, are very different)…
Here are a couple of videos I recorded at the time – very much in the spirit of Raw and Real in the Wild Field (a no frills spontaneous video diary). I knew one day I’d be brave enough to show some of them to you!
This first one is my basic ‘Aha’ moment about where I’d been going wrong….
And a few days later into the Abundance Programme, this is my video report on how I had already started to attract money from surprising places.
I made this video with Nick Williams a few years ago when we first met. We are talking about inner wisdom and intuition – how to find it and how to trust it – and how it makes life so much easier!
Nick is a lovely guy and we found we had very resonant interests and approaches to spirituality, work and inner life. He is author of several books including his signature work – Discover the Work You Were Born to Do and runs www.inspired-entrepreneur.com– a vibrant community of heart and soul centered entrepreneurs.
You can download Nick’s free guide to discovering the work you were born to do on his website and find out about all the activities and resources on offer.
Here is our video chat where Nick is asking me about inner wisdom and how I use it in my coaching work to shortcut to the real ‘gold’ within us. (Note that Nick introduces me as Srimati, as I was named in those days!)
I’ve just returned from London where I was attending my friend Rachel Elnaugh’s live mentoring filming event – Business Magic.
As an award winning entrepreneur (for her multi-million first business, Red Letter Days); former Dragon from BBC TV Dragons’ Den; and author of Business Nightmares and forthcoming Business Magic, Rachel is a formidable business mentor.
From the autumn, however, Rachel is winding up her mentoring programme to make way for an exciting new project – see ‘message from Rachel’ on her website www.rachelelnaugh.com Before she does this, she wanted to capture some business mentoring on film in order to create a DVD programme.
And so, at the atmospheric Magic Circle (and on the night of a full moon and lunar eclipse!) we all gathered to hear Rachel reveal her business magic live on stage.
Fantastic! So inspiring!
Coming home, I remembered that I was fortunate to have some live mentoring from Rachel myself last year. And that we filmed it! And that I’ve not shared it with you yet!
So here it is – Rachel digging in to my inner story to help me define my name, brand and the title of a book I was writing.
Pat and I moved in February. Caravan dwelling came to a sudden end when problems staying on the field all year round prompted a rethink. The result was a move into this dinky modern house on the edge of the village with my 16 year old son Jamie. We are familiar with the house because its where Jamie has been living with his dad, Colin, and its been our support base whilst living in the wildfield. So Colin moved out and we moved in – taking over the main parenting role again and allowing Jamie to remain in situ in the big bedroom!
Weekdays have a different rhythm now – up at 6.45am with a quiet mug of earl grey in time to wake Jamie for school. Then its sandwich making, reminders about what’s needed for the day, making sure he catches the bus… By 8am I am out in the conservatory – the nearest thing to a caravan in the house – and getting on with my work. Evenings generally involve collecting Jamie from various after school activities, preparing a meal, a bit of TV – often with a foot massage from my guardian angel husband – and flaking out by 11.
I have to admit that I am relishing being a full-time mum again – and its much needed and long overdue. That’s probably why it feels so right. Colin and I have always lived near each other and co-parented amicably since we separated, but its the first time Jamie has been living in one home with me in all those years. The demands of Colin’s work has changed and its been hard for him to support Jamie on his own. With Pat and I sharing the home parent role and my work enjoying the flexibility of self employment, this is a much better arrangement for Jamie’s last few years of school.
The idea came out of the blue and fell into place immediately. None of us had been thinking along those lines at all. However, even Pat – a reclusive wild man and caravan-life adorer – was convinced of the plan’s merits as soon as it arose. He’s having the toughest time adapting back to ‘normal’ domestic life, but he’s doing his best for the greater good.
Part of the idea is that we keep the caravans and use them during the camping season. This means that any of us can escape back to the wildfield when we need to – just a stone’s throw away but a whole different world. And look out for a new retreat package I’ll be offering soon including accomodation in the wildfield – a perfect place to get away from it all.
Caravans in the Wildfield
So, only 7 months after the biggest downsizing move of my life, it’s been time to upscale again! Having given away all our furniture and household belongings, we needed to start over. However, the abundant universe soon showerered us with gifts and blessings. Within 10 days of moving our new home was all ready and we were celebrating a house-warming with our generous friends and family. Another plus is that after spending a severe, snowy winter in a 25 foot caravan, this modest 2up/2down feels like a palace of comfort and modern conveniences!
Living room to conservatory in new house
The move back into householder life marks the conclusion of an unusually introverted few months over the winter. By the end of October last year (the date of my last blog entry!) I was starting to put the breaks on ever expanding business plans and activities to concentrate on things closer to home. After more than a decade of being full on and ‘out there’ with my vocation, finances and family needed my full attention for a while. It was time to get my own house in order!
Initially, I simply wanted to be around my mum in Scotland as much as possible. She’s been going through extensive medical treatment and I could think of nothing better than to drop everything and be with her. In the event, Pat and I spent most of December up there. Mum lives in a lovely villa on a tiny island off the west coast of the mainland. We spent much of the UK’s ‘big freeze’ up there – helping with driving and hospital visits, enjoying family communion and filling our souls with the stunning beauty of the place.
View out to sea from mum’s upstairs window
Scotland was a tonic after spending November with my nose in account books. As well as doing my current end of year accounts, it was time to face some financial music about a business that hadn’t been doing so well and needed winding up. It was painful and confronting, demanding ruthless soul searching as well as loads of practical work. Every assumption, motive, decision, choice and step that Pat and I had made in recent years had to be examined. With no stone unturned on any level, it was excruciatingly personal and challenging to our self-esteem – and SO hard to forgive mistakes and let go!
As my colleague Rachel Elnaugh will tell you in her brilliant book, Business Nightmares, most entrepreneurs go through extreme financial challenges. Yet there’s a lot of shame and secrecy surrounding it – especially in the UK – and therefore its rarely discussed. But without sharing this crucial business experience how can we learn how to handle it from each other?
Business Nightmares is such an encouraging, inspiring and informative read. By revealling the inside stories of how even well known and successful entrepreneurs struggle, Rachel makes you realise you are not alone. And far from being shameful, knowing what the entrepreneur has been through makes you respect them even more. Do get yourself a copy if you haven’t already. It’s so well written by the wise, warm and witty former TV Dragon, Rachel Elnaugh. Click here to find out more www.rachelelnaugh.com
Telling the Coaching Connect conference about Rachel’s book
During November’s process of intense self-examination, it also dawned on me that I’d become a little bedazzled by a kind of ‘ambitious glitz’. I’d spent the previous 18 months vigourously developing my expert platform (as its called!) – glamming up my public image, publishing blogs and videos, courting book and media deals, launching new workshops, speaking at conferences, cultivating exciting new colleagues and establishing an international network via social media.
All that had been so much fun that I didn’t realise I’d got a bit carried away, taken flight and lost touch with my home ground, or that a certain pushy “must have big success” had crept into me. I knew something wasn’t right because things stopped coming to fruition and I was feeling increasingly strained. Eventually I consulted my inner guidance about it and the message came through loud and clear – “Just STOP, Srimati!” And so I decided to drop everything and take some time out.
It was scary letting go and not knowing what was going to happen, but my courage was rewarded. Having followed my soulful beckonings through the dark of winter, I did find myself back on firm ground and free from the burden of grasping after future success.
There’s a new ease and relaxation in my approach to my vocation and I feel deeply contented and quietly confident that the right work will come to me at the right time. Of course the universe has received my telepathic energetic transmission instantly and a graceful wave of wonderful new work is now gently cascading into my well balanced life. It sure beats chasing the big time!
So I’ll leave you with a video of a conversation Rachel and I had last year. We are talking about telepathic marketing – the art of attracting business opportunities by paying attention to our inner life. It draws on the universal principle that life simply delivers to you whatever you energetically expect will come – whether good or bad – and whether you are conscious of it or not. To find out more about this phenomenon, see the book Ask and it is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks.
The trick is to be aware of your beliefs about life and the signals you are therefore putting out. With a little inner work, you can make sure that they are genuinely aligned with your best interests – and so the universe delivers what’s in your best interests. And as I can testify, there’s nothing better than graceful waves of wonderful things cascading into your life because you’ve put your own house in order!
Do you trust your own rhythms? Do you allow yourself to do nothing and stare into space just because you feel like it? If a rush of creative ideas wakes you up at night, do you get up and start scribbling or smother it down because ‘you must get your sleep’? When all your energy has vanished, do you force yourself to get on with some work or allow yourself to rest?
Observing the ebb and flow of my creative energy here at the wild field has prompted me think about this. When we first moved, it was easy to see why I wasn’t dreaming up any new workshops or enthusiastically promoting my latest inner wisdom product – I was knackered! Then the weeks went on and I settled deeply into my inner world – wanting to do little more than meditate and write.
After a while, I started to get a bit concerned. What if all that creative juice has gone? Should I try to drum something up? But no matter how I looked at it, I just did not feel like it. I know from hard experience that it’s counter-productive to exhaust myself trying to swim against the tide, but it’s not always easy to keep the faith. None-the-less, this time I managed to wait and trust that the change would come naturally.
Then, a week or two ago, it happened – a huge uprush of creativity and inspiration came bursting through. Ideas, excitement, enthusiasm and energy aplenty – fully formed and in such abundance – and my new workshop was conceived. A couple of phone calls were made and the people and resources I wanted fell into place beautifully. There was a quality of effortless co-operation with a power so much greater and wiser than myself. My job was to be switched on enough to notice the turning tide, fit enough to get on the surf board and keep my balance, and from there-on-in simply have a wonderful ride!
And so I can announce to you with enormous enthusiasm and excitement that I’m taking my new workshop to Glasgow in Scotland next month. Wake Up Your Wisdom – a day retreat for entrepreneurs and professionals ready to develop red-hot intuition and learn the secrets of mind-to-mind marketing. My fabulous colleague, Rachel Elnaugh (former Dragon on BBC TV’s Dragon’s Den), has agreed to give a presentation on her experience of using inner wisdom for business success. I can’t wait to give my first ever workshop in my home city! More details here – www.srimati.com/events
To me, one of the greatest gifts of my self-determining lifestyle is the delicious opportunity to follow my natural rhythms more truly. Sometimes its an emotional rhythm – feeling slow and sad or fast and excited; sometimes its intellectual – clear as a bell or dull as dish water. Then there are physical rhythms prompted by hormonal changes or meal, exercise and sleep patterns. And of course there’s the environment – the light, the dark, the sun the moon, the seasons, the weather, the surroundings…
Our bodies and psyches are fantastically engineered sensing machines. Should you pay attention – simply pay attention! – you get all the bio/psychic feedback you need in a nano second and you will KNOW what’s right for you at every turn. However, if you override this awareness by getting too busy and out of touch with yourself (or giving too much of your power and freedom away to an over-demanding person or job), you lose one of your most precious abilities – to regulate a happy, balanced lifestyle for yourself. What’s more, regulating yourself like this is your primary responsibility in life. No one else can do this for you or be blamed if you do not do it for yourself.
I’m quite impressed with Paul McKenna’s work with regard to this. Paul McKenna www.paulmckenna.com is a British hypnotherapist who has written many excellent self-help books including I Can Make You Thin. The core principle of this book is that to eat appropriately (and therefore lose excess weight) you simply need to tune into this self-regulating ability. By slowing down and paying deep attention to what food your body really wants, you naturally find your optimum weight. I used this method myself last year and effortlessly shed 20 lbs in so many weeks. (I seem to be in a ‘putting it back on’ phase at the moment – but that’s another story!).
However, there’s another whole dimension of rhythm in our lives – the ebb and flow of INSPIRATION – our spiritual rhythm. When you are inspired you feel a creative energy rising up within you, giving you the ideas, direction and impetus to make something new happen. It seems to bubble up from inside you even if its triggered by an external source like a stimulating talk or a sublime piece of music. Sometimes it just seems to come from no-where.
The Buddha taught that inspiration can only be experienced when you have prepared yourself to receive it. When you first start to meditate, it can take a while to draw all your disparate energies into some sort of coherence. That’s what meditation does for you first of all – it helps you feel less scattered and more focussed and more whole and complete. This is the initial stage of INTEGRATION (bringing together).
Only then – when you have a sense of being in possession of your whole self – can inspiration start to come through into an adequate container. This second stage, not surprisingly, is called INSPIRATION. Having pulled yourself into some sort of shape, your natural creative energy has a place to arise and a vehicle through which to express itself. It feels like you have a well-spring within you, constantly bubbling up from your deep inner source.
I explain these two aspects of meditation in this video – Meditation for Integration and Insight
As a coach, I’ve always preferred to work with inspiration rather than motivation. As well as being a carrot rather than stick approach, it is a much more empowering and graceful way to work. Helping people ignite their own natural joyful impetus is more independently sustainable for the client than trying to push them up a mountain they’d rather not climb.
Sometimes I think we’ve got it all wrong – that we think we have to ‘make’ ourselves do stuff because it’s ‘good for us’. No, no! Spend the time to develop the self-love and find the thing you really want to be doing because you were meant to be doing it! Then its just a matter of lighting the touch-paper and standing back while an inspired new lifestyle takes off!
Inspiration is a massive force for the good. When you are inspired you are in touch with who you truly are and feel moved by love and joy rather than fear and dread. One of my favourite tips is the one that tells us how to know when you are making the right decision. By asking yourself , ‘Am I making this choice from love or fear?’ you can discern whether you are doing things for the best (the best way is ALWAYS the one that is inspired by love rather than avoiding fear). If you are making a choice based on love, you feel expanded and free. If you are making the choice from fear, you feel contracted and strained. You can feel that expansion or contraction in your body – often in your tummy area. There’s a reason why we use the term ‘gut instinct’.
I go into the art of following the right inner promptings in this video – ‘Which Voice in Your Head Do You Trust?
So please do keep the faith, dear people – you do know what’s best for you. Your only responsibility is to cultivate sensitivity to your rhythms and allow inspiration to flow. Of course many of us have busy lives with many demands, but even within that, it’s possible to invest a little time developing awareness. Meditation is a brilliant way to do this. Just ten minutes a day – sitting quietly, feeling your breath move through your body – is a wonderful start. For superb meditation guidance, try www.wildmind.org
Well, my lovelies, it seems I’ve had a bit of blog writer’s block! I have continued to write a daily journal and have recorded a few videos for future consumption, but it’s been hard to know what to share with you for this episode of Raw and Real. I’m guessing that this is because I’ve been deep within an inner process that’s hard to write about whilst inside it. It’s still in happening, but it’s now two weeks since my last post, so I thought I’d at least let you know what’s been going on.
I’m writing this from the wild cliffs of Cornwall instead of the wild field in Devon. Pat and I have been here at our caravan on the atlantic coast for a few days – suddenly hungry to be here after a four month block in Devon. We were partly influenced by the change in the weather – beautifully sunny and fine again after an intense spell of rain. It is incredibly beautiful here. The views over the ocean are just awesome and the psychic quietness of the atmosphere totally liberating. It feels like there’s space for your inner world to expand out and fly-dance in the sky.
About three weeks ago I embarked on a 40 day spiritual programme. It’s a simple thing really – daily reading, reflecting and writing on the themes – but the effects have been profound. I’m no stranger to this sort of thing (I spent my twenties engaged in full time study, meditation, right livelihood practice and retreats on the lead up to becoming an ordained Buddhist) but its been a while since I’ve taken up a such a purposeful, purely spiritual, exercise.
Recently, things have been very settled at the wild field. We’ve been there for a couple of months and all the pandemonium is over. Pat’s bad neck is much better, Jamie has been enjoying a renewed social life after his relationship break up and I’ve re-established my coaching, meditation and writing practice. I’ve been waking up every day, looking out over the peaceful meadows, feeling my wonderful family close by and counting my blessings. What a fantastic, beautiful, quiet, retreat-like haven of a life-style! Almost without realising it, I’ve been dropping deeper and deeper into the richness of my inner world.
And so its not surprising that the spiritual programme is biting. I recognise the pattern. At first there’s excitement and inspiration at the juicy wisdom being studied. Then times of uncomfortableness and resistance because an unenlightened part of me feels threatened (usually hanging on to some ingrained and unconscious way of being that’s really not necessary or useful any more).
After feeling tense and unhappy for a while (can be hours or days) it becomes clearer what’s being challenged and what needs to let go. It helps to allow myself to feel my upset emotions (have a rant or a cry or whatever) and talk to someone who understands the process or write it all down in a journal without judgement. Eventually the realisations come and I end up feeling cleansed, renewed and aligned with a more peaceful, happy way of living than ever before.
I’m now 25 days into the programme and having my third wave of uncomfortableness. (I’ve been really happy and carefree in between, honest!) I’m reminded that at times like this the best thing we can do is simply accept ourselves just as we are – and without the need to analyse why we are feeling out of sorts. A great exercise when you feel like this is to write a long list of “I love me when….(and finish the sentence)”. Write about loving yourself – good or bad – until you have a feeling of accepting every last part of yourself unconditionally. For example “I love me when I’m inspired”, “I love me when I’m depressed”, “I love me when I know what I’m doing and why”, “I love me when I’m lost and confused”.
Unconditional acceptance of oneself is always the beginning of the end of unhappiness. It’s so simple. Even when you are feeling utterly wretched it is possible to step outside and look back upon yourself compassionately (just as you would look upon a crying child who has broken a beloved toy). The trick is to remember to do so! Once, when I was upset about something and unable to feel compassion for myself, Pat fetched a mirror and tenderly held it up in front of me. Looking at the poor crying face in there made me feel rather sorry for the girl and my heart melted.
I think Eckhart Tolle’s masterful book, The Power of Now, captures the simplicity of this acceptance process beautifully. I always say that the Power of Now is one of my ‘desert island books’. I have read scores and scores of spiritual and personal development books over the years, but this one captures an essence of them all. If I was stuck on a desert island with only a few books, I’d want this to be one of them. I thoroughly recommend it. Here’s his website:
There’s also a brilliant loving kindness meditation that I learned many years ago and still practice and teach with relish. It’s a Buddhist meditation called the Metta Bhavana, or cultivation of loving kindness. (Not surprisingly, it seems to me that most spiritual traditions have similar contemplations or prayers.) The meditation begins by fostering love for oneself, then a friend, then a stranger, then an enemy, then the whole world. In my experience it is deeply transformational as well as gently nourishing, no matter what state you are in when you begin. You can find a led Metta Bhavana meditation on CD and MP3 on the amazing Buddhist meditation and resource website, Wildmind. (One day I’ll record one myself, but I haven’t so far).
Wildmind was founded by a lovely colleague of mine, Bodhipaksa, a fellow Scot who I first met at the Glasgow Buddhist Centre 25 years ago when we were both rookies. He now lives in the USA with his young family and writes and teaches in addition to running Wildmind. His latest book – Living As A River – is being launched next month. Recently I’ve been guest blogging for Wildmind (so you’ll find a few of my videos and articles on the blog page) and Bodhipaksa has been so kind and helpful in supporting my move towards publishing my books and CDs.
I have written about love (one way or another) a lot. I suppose really understanding what love is all about is the core of my practice and inspiration. Afterall, I have it on good authority that love is a pretty important thing. Once, when Jamie was sitting in his highchair as a baby, I said to him jokingly, “Oh Jamie, what is the meaning of life?” Hardly able to talk at that age, he answered clearly and emphatically, “Love.” – A baby Buddha!
One of my first articles ever published was for the Buddhist magazine, Dharma Life. It’s my story and thoughts on maternal love – having not long become a mother to said baby Buddha. I’d noticed how spiritually minded people were mixed up about what non-attachment means (still one of my favourite topics) and I was extolling us to embrace our love even if it means we also experience loss. Wildmind still carries this article on their blog page, so here’s the link.
And here’s me talking to Nick Williams of www.inspired-entrepreneur.com again (see last week’s blog). This time, he is asking me about the principle of non-attachment and I explain what I think it really means. I quote William Blake’s poem. For me it captures the spirit of non-attachment and unconditional love: “He who binds himself to a joy doth the winged life destroy; But he who kisses the joy as it flies, lives in eternity’s sunrise.”
Well, writing about all this compassionate and love stuff has cheered me up no end! I guess “I love me when I’m deep in challenging process”, “I love me when I have writer’s block” and “I love me when I’m writing inspiring stuff about love” Just a little tenderness does the trick…
That is the question! At least, it’s the question that was asked of me this week: Should I be revealing so much personal experience in my Raw and Real blog? Is it okay for someone in my position – a self-development professional – to display vulnerability? My answer: You betcha!
That’s what I believe anyway. I recognise that it’s not everyone’s approach to coaching and teaching, however, it is totally and absolutely mine. Sharing myself with you like this feels like the ‘signature dish’ of my delightful vocation. I’m just not the aloof, out of reach, theorist type. I’m interested in the applied stuff – the real stuff that makes a difference, that moves us to the core, the stuff that I know from the inside out. As far as I can make out, sharing my own trials and tribulations and the wisdom that I learn from them, helps and inspires you far more than mere academic ideas.
Just the other day, a coaching client said to me “I find it so helpful to know that you struggle too. It gives me hope. If it seemed you were all sorted and I wasn’t, I’d just feel like I was a lost cause. Knowing that you go through it too – and come out the other end – shows me that I can do it too.” And I’m delighted to say that I’ve had such a surge of appreciative and supportive comments and clicks onto my website that I just know that my ‘brave, honest accounts’ are hitting the mark.
I’ve always looked up to others in my field who tell their revealing true stories. Their vulnerability and authenticity inspires me. I can relate to them, to the challenges they face, to how they feel. I can follow in their footsteps as they traverse the wilderness, climb up and down mountains and run for joy through meadows. Their story is not just a dry, dusty road map. The colour and texture of their account becomes a 3D virtual reality experience that I can breathe and pant and sigh within. More importantly, in the process I become equipped to go on in my own life’s journey.
One of my inspirations is Oriah Mountain Dreamer who wrote The Invitation. This little poem, published in 1995, rocked the world with its piercing depth and quickly developed into a best-selling book. You can read the poem and find out about Oriah’s amazing work at www.oriah.org , however the poem begins…
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it…
Reading the book had a profound effect on me back in 2001. I’d just moved to Devon from London and it gave me some crucial inspiration that led to meeting my (now) husband, Pat. I wrote about this incredible experience in an article called Meeting My Match. (Here’s the link: http://wp.me/ps0N4-9U ) Recently, Oriah herself thanked me for sharing this article on her Facebook page. I was thrilled to be personally acknowledged by such an awesome role model!
Ironically, I’ve actually been holding myself back from splurging all to you this week. It’s been very quiet and settled here in the wild field, and I’ve been absolutely loving the retreat-like lifestyle. For the last 10 days or so, I’ve been working on a personal spiritual development programme. However, this programme requires me to “haud ma wheesht”, which is old Scots (“hold my quiet”) for keeping my mouth shut! Now, I have to admit that this is a bit challenging for my personality. When I’m excited about something, I find it hard to contain. But contain it I must as it is vital for the process to work properly.
It’s a case of practising what I preach. As I often advise clients, there are times when we must keep things to ourselves in order to thoroughly internalise a change and contain the energy of our endeavours. Should we share our stories too soon, we risk dissipating our focus, or worse still, invite the shaking heads and wagging fingers of the nay sayers. There’s nothing worse than a negative Nelly to undermine our tender new attempts at positive change.
Anyway, to satisfy the part of me that wants to document my inspiration and teach it to others, I’ve been quietly journaling and filming my progress with this exciting new programme. (I’m also already getting juicy ideas for presenting fabulous future workshops with this material, but I know I need to be patient!) One day, all will be revealed in the ‘Raw and Real’, but not until the time is right!
So, to reveal or not to reveal? Well, with the exception noted above, I say reveal. It is my experience that I am being spiritually guided to be personally revealing in the way I write and speak in order to fulfil my vocation. And I’m not the only one. I am so enjoying meeting and collaborating with a growing network of like-minded authentic colleagues worldwide. One of the kings of authenticity, in my opinion, is the lovely Nick Williams, author of Discover of the Work You Were Born to Do, collaborator in The International Association of Conscious and Creative Writers www.iaccw.com and founder of www.inspired-entrepreneur.com
So, I will leave you with some inspiration – a couple of short videos of Nick and I talking about the role of authenticity in our coaching work.
As it turns out, I’ve not only had weekday mornings to myself, but the entire weekend too! I’m sort of pinching myself. One minute I was tired, depleted and overrun with domestic demands, and the next – acres and acres of time and space and inspiration to write. The family’s happy, the sun’s shining and the retro caravan work space is all set up. Wow!
Well, I did ask for it. It just shows you what the power of intention can do. The suddeness and scale of the change can be startling, though. It strikes you how powerful you really are – that you can make anything happen just by wishing it! Of course there’s a little more to it than that. There is an art to using intention to bring about what you desire.
I made this video about it last summer called Attracting and Creating the Life that You Want. Not surprisingly, it’s my most viewed film! Take a look if you like…
More recently, at the Entrepreneurs Find Inner Wisdom event I ran this Spring, I also recorded a series of films about the art of manifestation. I taught an ancient practice, called the Ah meditation, that powers up our ability to bring into being that which we truly wish for in life. The whole series is on recent pages of this blog that you can have a look at, but here’s a shortcut to the video of me teaching the practice itself.
Achieving the results that I’d ‘put out for’ so easily was a little scary. So much so that I caught myself trying to subtely sabotage them talking to my 15 year old son yesterday – “Are you sure you want to stay out another night with friends, Jamie? Wouldn’t it be a good idea to come home, have a good meal, a decent bed, a shower? I can always take you out again tomorrow….”
However, mostly I’ve been doing quite well with my saying “no!” practise (to curb my habit of over-giving). Jamie did call me midweek (when he’s usually with his dad) to ask if he and his friends could come and stay at the wild field for the night. It was exactly the same request I’d fallen down the hole with last Sunday when I failed to say no. This time I noticed. I saw the hole coming and I didn’t even fall into it! “No, sorry, Jamie. Your friends can come and stay at the weekend but not in the week when I’m working” – See? Easy.
And so it seems I’m bearing the fruit of my efforts. It’s been the most glorious, peaceful, lovely few days. It’s allowed me to realise that I’m in love with the huge skies here at the wild field. Day and night it is ever-changing and beautiful – the light, the clouds, the moon. I keep wanting to photograph the sky, capture the unique beauty moment by moment, but its impossible. The best thing is to simply go out and gawp, especially at night when the vast canopy of stars above is simply breath-taking.
This is why we are here. Somehow, living like this in caravans in the big outdoors connects me so strongly with my rightful place in nature. As a coaching client described it this week, it allows me to feel “in my skin”. I’m getting fit and brown and can feel the grass between my toes and the breeze on my face. I can breath deeply and enjoy every mouthful I take and every movement I make.
In the first week here, sleepless and sobbing with exhaustion, my husband, Pat, could not console me. Instead he called me outside and took my hand beneath the sparkling night sky. “Look”, he said, pointing up. Gazing into the vastness was a perfect, wordless reminder of what I truly am – an infinite spiritual being tasting a moment of human form in an endless universe of ever-changing miraculous beauty. What could possibly be wrong?
Its been sooooo much more challenging than I thought it would. I mean, I knew it would be an adjustment moving from a nine room country cottage to a couple of caravans in a field, but I didn’t expect the personal disorientation to be so strong.
Okay it’s a big downsize and I knew I’d be saying goodbye to a lot of stuff and learning to live in less space and be confronted with emptying toilet tanks in the rain, but I didn’t expect to have the carpet ripped from under my feet. If I’m honest I’ve been feeling horribly unsettled and insecure since we moved a month ago. Where has the happy, inspired, life-loving Srimati gone?
Last night, Pat, my husband, stirred around 1am and I woke up too. I find that if I wake within a short while of going to sleep at night – and there’s something undigested going on emotionally – I’m presented with a shadowey, doom laden ‘oh-oh’ of uncomfortable feelings that won’t go away and won’t let me get back to sleep again. Last night it was dreadful, soul sucking, zero confidence. Everything was wrong. I was wrong. Life was wrong. And some how it was all my fault.
Many is the time I’ve been up in the night battling with such demons. I often wonder, however, how many women can say that they have a husband who is willing to spend all night, if necessary, slaying demons with them? I have one such husband – totally mad in many eyes and utterly sane in mine. A misunderstood Cornish rascal, I’ve been bright enough to recognise I have my very own, flesh and blood, guardian angel sharing my life with me. Pat is one hell of an ally and absolutely the best friend I’ve ever had by a mile.
So there we were in dressing gowns sitting under the moon in camp chairs at two in the morning. I briefly described how I was feeling. “I know”, he said, “I could feel your energy nose-diving all day.” I gazed at the magical moon appearing and disappearing into clouds and listened. His gravelly voiced, meandering stories and irreverant observations soothed me and brought humorous clarity all at the same time. I felt better. I could see what I’d been doing to myself…
Giving it All Away
Sometimes I get so frustrated with my own habitual mess ups – “Arggh! Stop! You’ve done it again! For goodness sake, STOP it Srimati!” Our habits and blind spots can be so entrenched. It seems to me that we all have one big core mucked up tendency that we spend our entire life attempting to break free of. (That’s if we are conscious enough to even try. There are plenty of us who never even realise what’s going on and just spend life being battered around by the painful consequences of our own unknowing over and over again).
With me it’s over-giving. I don’t mean being super generous, I mean giving inappropriately, ‘giving’ to the point that I abuse myself and prevent others from taking responsibility for themselves. Eventually, I get tired and depleted and have a kickback of resentment. The other person remains infantalised and never learns to stand on their own two feet. So in fact it’s not generous at all because nobody gains anything! Giving is only generosity when it is appropriately given and comes from a full cup, not being drunkenly sucked up from the dregs of a spill on the floor.
Over-giving is a classic generosity distortion, especially with mothers (and guess where my tendency shows itself most? Yes, with my 15 year old son Jamie). Not surprisingly, many of my friends, family and clients suffer from a similar thing. Like attracts like and so we draw people to us that carry similar energy and values – including problematic tendencies. The best teacher, however, is someone who is just a little free-er and more conscious than ourselves, so fortunately my clients do benefit from my years of self inflicted agony.
For the last six weeks I’ve been a one woman pack horse and rescue service. First I spent weeks, dawn to dusk, single handedly packing, redistributing or chucking every possession we had from the cottage, then setting up the caravans. I had the where-with-all to organise a man and a van to move some heavy furniture and ask a group of fab friends to help me with the final clean up day, but other than that, I’ve done the entire thing solo.
At the same time my boy, Jamie, has been experiencing his first big relationship breakup. He split up from his girlfriend after a year, and being an intense young thing (just like his mother) he has taken it hard. Late night and early morning phonecalls, mopping up tears, sick and messy rooms, taxi services to friends and work experiences have been a daily feature. And I’d somehow forgotten he’d be off school for the summer let alone need this extra emotional support. I’d had this romantic idea that I’d do the move in a couple of weeks and then spend July and August writing my first best seller. Hmm, had to re-think that one…
Meanwhile, being a highly sensitive person with multiple health issues, Pat’s chronic neck and back problems got a whole lot worse. In my exhausted, martyr-like hysteria (it’s really not very pretty), pushing to finish the cottage clean up in time, I told him to “F off” if he couldn’t help (the resentment kicking in!). So he did. Feeling totally powerless to reach me through my temporary insanity or love me or support me in any way, he withdrew to the caravans feeling terrible and his neck promptly went into acute spasm.
So, despite Pat’s enthusiasm for the caravan way of life, he’s not been able to help with usual domestics let alone the extra carrying and fetching this lifestyle requires. I felt like I’d cursed our last moment together at the cottage. Those ugly words were the last to leave my lips and it seemed like the antithesis of the love and appreciation we’d share there for two and a half years. The next morning, I went back to the cottage to say goodbye properly. All tasks done now, I went from room to room, remembering, weeping, blessing and praying. I asked for forgiveness and to cleanse the stain I’d made the day before.
Being a Mystic Angel
A few months ago, I picked up Doreen Virtue’s book, Realms of the Earth Angels, and experienced a revelation. In her book, Doreen, describes personality traits and life experiences in terms of certain types of earth angels (do read this fantastic wee book to get the whole context). I had such recognition of myself that I began to shake. Her categorisations made so much sense of my life and relationships, my strengths and weaknesses and my purpose and inspiration. So much so that it generated a new title for the biography that I’m writing – More Than Meets the Eye: My Life as a Mystic Angel.
At first I thought I was a Wise One – compassionate and committed to helping the world, a leader and guide, a powerful manifestor with a tendency to be over serious. However, I also recognised myself in the Incarnate Angel category. Here is the over-giving for a start. Along side this is an innocent, loving and trusting nature which can easily be taken advantage of. Incarnate Angels can tend to overweight (check) and drawn into co-dependent relationships (check).
And so it turns out I’m a Mystic Angel – a blend of both a Wise One and a Incarnate Angel. Right now, its my Incarnate Angel vulnerability/ gullibility that is being tested. Talking to Pat last night under the moon, I realise that I just do not realise when people are lying to me or trying to manipulate me or use me. I receive what’s said as the truth (I don’t usually get jokes or teasing because I fail to comprehend that the person is not speaking the absolute, literal truth to me!) I always give people the benefit of the doubt, understand why they feel limited or compromised and may not be acting in their own best interests and respond by doing what I can to rescue them from their suffering.
Of coure my trusting and compassionate nature is also my biggest asset! I do genuinely love and understand people and see their beautiful pure natures deep within them. That’s what helps me be such a good coach. However, our greatest weakness is also our greatest strength and vice versa. The trick is to be aware enough to know when our strength has flipped over to the dark side and is serving our fear and unconsciousness instead of our love and wisdom.
To help me with this, Pat has reminded me of a simple basic practice to correct my over-giving – the practice of saying “No!”. Sometimes its embarressing to have to go back to psychological base camp again, but that’s what I need to do. I need to say “No!” more and suffer the discomfort of the other person not getting what they want or having to dig into themselves to provide the solutions. I need to value myself enough to commit to my own needs first and foremost, to fill my cup, so that I can truly give again.
And so, I’ve invented a simple summer routine for myself starting today. Here I am living in the Wild Field. We are all moved. Jamie is getting over his break up and settling into his summer holidays. Pat’s neck is getting better. I have some time to myself again – time that I could fool myself into giving away to others if I am not vigilant. But I feel I will go mad if I do not now honour what is most precious in my life – my vocation to write and share wisdom.
In my own best interests, I’ve set some boundaries… I will not turn my phone on until midday. I will spend every weekday morning quietly by myself writing and meditating. My weekday mornings are all MINE from now on! And so, here it is, the outpouring of my love and creativity from a full cup – Raw and Real: Intimate Insights from the Wild Field. I hope you join me here often.
Thrivecraft with Maggie Kay 